The Day “Keep Your Hands to Yourself” Took on a New Meaning

Voicemail: [00:00:00] When I was in eighth grade, there were a group of two or three boys in my English class who got caught pleasuring themselves. During class.

Andrea: Hey, teacher besties. I am so excited to share with you that my book, they never Taught us, that is available for pre-order right now. It. Everything in experience first year teachers need to manage the chaos of the modern classroom, including some anecdotes to make you feel a little bit better because if there is a way you can screw up, I have probably done it.

It also has advice on how to build trust with families, how to manage grading and lesson plans and IEPs and everything in between that they never went over in your teacher prep program. They never taught us. That is available everywhere right now for pre-order.

Hey, teacher besties. Welcome to How to Survive the [00:01:00] Classroom, and I almost didn't survive a middle school hallway this week. I was walking through trying to visit all these different classrooms. Making sure that all of my field experience students are doing their thing. And I have this lanyard that I carry around with me everywhere, right?

Like I've got like my little, my cluster of keys and then my like emotional security lanyard. And I'm walking through and I see this group of middle schoolers walking towards me probably like seventh grade, which as previously established, the most terrifying age is seventh grade. And so I'm walking and it's in between classes.

So. There's nowhere to look. It's obvious that like me walking towards them, only person there, I'm wearing clicky clack shoes and it's just this troop of middle schoolers and they're all staring at me 'cause I'm an adult in their school that they don't know. And I'm walking and I'm like trying to avert direct eye contact.

Right. It's like if you're like. In like in an enclosure [00:02:00] with a deadly animal, like you don't wanna make eye contact and challenge them in some way because then they might attack. And so I'm just survival, right? Is my main focus. So I'm walking and I'm like averting my eyes respectfully. Trying not to do anything that would incite derision and I, I'm walking and I'm like trying to walk closely to the wall away from them, and there's a water fountain in front of me and I'm like, okay, don't run into the water fountain.

I kinda like scoop around it. And then my, my lanyard looped on the water fountain spout and I was like walking forward. And then I went y because the thing hooked me all of the, and it was like, it happened at the exact moment where they were about to pass me. So they fully saw me get leashed by the water fountain.

I know that they saw it. Like, I had no good way of [00:03:00] recovering. There wasn't like a, like a funny, charming thing I could do and be like, oh, I just like made a really uncomfortable noise. Um, that was somewhere around like a e and then, um, I heard them just kind of like, look at each other and then look back at me.

And I just, I wanted to simply pass away in that moment, it was deeply horrifying. Like, and it's so funny because I, I shared this on TikTok and I had somebody that was like, are you okay? Why do you care what middle schoolers think of you? I dare you. I dare you. Random faceless profile from the internet.

Go into a middle school face, a group of eight middle schoolers. Do something that would even in a normal circumstance, be mildly embarrassing. Even if you were alone, you'd be like, Hmm, that was embarrassing. Glad no one saw. Like we have awareness, right? That like what we're do, like, I don't know. It shouldn't be that embarrassing, right?

Like for [00:04:00] what, why would I be so embarrassed by that? But I, it was, and then it was also observed by the most. Derisive group of humans, which is a group of middle schoolers, and I, it just, it will haunt me forever now. So things are going great. Things are going so good at visiting the middle schools. I can't, I don't know, like.

What is wrong with me that every single time I step in those middle school hallways, like I revert, I like fold in on myself, become exactly as insecure I as I was when I was 12 years old. Like, oh, you guys, it was so embarrassing. And like most of the time I, I'm just like a curious figure to them because I am not one of their teachers.

I'm not a student teacher. I'm not an administrator. I'm just standing in the back. And so it's hard to not like, be a very obvious presence for these kids. Um, and [00:05:00] I'm really truly not trying to interrupt class because I don't want them to see me. I want them to like vibe as much as you can normally. But like when you walk into a classroom and you're an adult, everyone's gonna look at you and be like, what are you doing?

You freak. So yeah, it's, it's going fine. It's going fine. I will say I, I did have, um, my first unfortunate email of the semester from one of the administrators in the school where my students are. And here's the thing. Before these students went out, we had very. Very clear discussions about what is and is not appropriate as far as your interactions with the students at the school, because my students are mostly between the ages of 20 and 22, and right now they're being placed at a middle school.

So the middle schoolers, you know, are ages like 11 through 14. And so it's less of a concern right now that they're gonna look like. The middle schoolers than it is next semester when they go into the high school and then they really, they are indistinguishable, right? [00:06:00] Unless they're dressed very, very differently from the high schoolers.

And so we've had all of these conversations, but there's no way you can have every potential scenario spelled out clear enough because there's always something. So the email I got was that one of the students, um, apparently said, good girl, or No, good boy. To one of the middle schoolers. And guys, here's the thing is like I, I know exactly how that happened, right?

I know exactly how that happened. This student is going around, they're joking. All of the students have been saying, good boy, good girl to each other. And that in and of itself isn't an offensive thing to say, but the vibes, the terms, the context of how that's. Said could be taken in a lot of dangerous different ways, and this is the way that it's so hard to be a teacher because [00:07:00] I can almost guarantee that the student was just like, oh, good boy.

Like, aha, like good job. But like I, I don't know what the demographics of this student were. I don't know what the context were. And like if a student said to me, good girl. Uh, I'm taking off my earrings. We're fighting like you can't do that, right? And so the context really matters here, and I don't know what the context was, but I did have to send an email out to all of my students to be like, Hey guys, hey besties.

Because these are like all of these students. Every student I work with is an adult. Right. Um, which is the biggest change for me going from teaching high school to now working with all of these young adults. Every single student I work with is an adult. They are, um, most of them in their twenties, some I've, I've taught some that are older than me at different areas.

I do them grad program, all of that, right? And so I, I have to have these very candid conversations of like, guys, listen, I know the intent was probably like jokey funny, silly. We are not the [00:08:00] friends of these kids. We, especially when they are this little, like, you guys are this new, you have to be distinguishing the difference between you and these students.

Um, which is just unfortunate. Like, I don't love having to be like, I shouldn't have to say this, but don't say good girl or good boy to your students. Um, and I had to send that this week, which is just a bummer. Um, and it's guys, I've, I. On the same line of inappropriate humor, I realized today, and maybe this is not something that should come as a shock to me, or probably anybody who knows me, but I do kind of have this immediate instinctual reaction when somebody tells me bad news, my reaction.

Is to try and make it better with humor, even if the situation cannot be made better with humor. And probably, especially if the [00:09:00] situation can't be made better with humor. Like it keeps popping into my head that like if something really horrible were to happen, God forbid to my husband, I truly am worried that they would like tell me.

They'd be like, Andrea, we're so sorry we couldn't do anything. He was in an accident. You know, we couldn't save him. Your husband died. And I would be like, well. Wow. He is so dramatic for that. Like I am so fearful that that is gonna be my reaction in situations like that. And I, I know, I know that it is because there have definitely been some like very sad, very upsetting things that have happened.

And I go to dark humor just like immediately, which is fine if you're with other people that go to dark humor and it's like therapeutic. But if you're with people that don't. It's, it's not the vibe for those people. Like it seems insensitive. It's, and, and for me it's like coping, right? Um, but for other people it's, it's not.

Um, so, you know, if you want somebody to tell you to stop being dramatic for deep, horrifying tragedies that are happening in your [00:10:00] life, I'm your girl. Um, if you wanna like, have a long snuggle hug while you process and cry, um, probably not. Probably, I'm probably not the first person you should go to. Like I'll do it, but you'll feel that it is making me uncomfortable and I'm sorry for that.

But I'll probably make some, some sort of thing that will maybe make you laugh eventually because what do they say? Like time plus tragedy equals comedy. It's just that for me, the time portion apparently is extremely short. Um, on that note, I really wanna hear what you guys sent in this week. So let's listen to the first voice memo.

Voicemail: When I was in eighth grade, there were a group of two or three boys in my English class who got caught pleasuring themselves during class. Was our teacher particularly attractive? I can honestly say as a woman, I don't think anyone is unattractive, but [00:11:00] would not be my first choice, especially as a 13-year-old.

But they only found out about it because one of my friends turned around and saw them doing it. Yek. 

Andrea: I have a lot of questions. Um, I at the same time at the, like, at the same time they were doing it like synchronizing it. That's very upsetting. Um, I think that your mistake is in thinking that it had anything to do with the teacher.

I don't think that it probably was because of the teacher. There was probably, um, one of their classmates maybe. That was the inspiration for that. Um, which all of the above horrifying. Right. Um, I have unfortunately caught students doing that in class usually though. Okay. And this is something like, I hate this part about talking about the realities of the classroom is that I will talk about some of the behaviors that kids have in the classroom and people [00:12:00] who have never been in a classroom before.

Have the perception that it is because of some sort of classroom management choice, because of a comfortability with the students that they will say really inappropriate things. Their brains are, are like not done cooking yet. You guys like what comes into their brain will come out of their mouth so quickly and you could have just said, Hey, good morning.

How are you today? And they could just be talking about how they spent their morning. Wildly inappropriately, right? And so I feel like that's a struggle, is that like I'll talk about it online and people are like, why are you such a perv? And I'm like, I literally worked with high schoolers for a decade.

This isn't like a oh one time something crazy came out of a kid's mouth. It's like 90% of your experiences kids are saying crazy things and it's actually a lot harder to find the things that they're doing that are not. Absolutely uncomfortable for people outside of the classroom to find out about. Um, and that [00:13:00] is one of them that like, unfortunately, especially I feel like for middle school teachers, if you teach middle school long enough, you will catch a student doing that to some variation or another because they just don't like, they're, they literally, their impulse control is at negative zero.

They think they're invisible. Haven't you ever had a kid pick their nose while like staring right at you because you're in a classroom and everyone else is facing forward. Therefore they think that they're invisible. And I legitimately think that's what it is, is they're like, well, they can't see me back here, so it's probably fine.

It's not fine. It's not fine. You're not invisible. The teacher can see you and like. Part of it is like when kids are doing it to like a lesser extent, you almost like do the proximity thing where you like walk near them and they stop. Um, and then it does have to hit like a certain threshold before you start, like actually documenting it and calling home and, and all of that.

And it's just, ugh. Like it's so gross and it makes [00:14:00] everyone so wildly uncomfortable and God forbid. You say that this was happening and it wasn't. That also is a bad look for everyone and wildly uncomfortable. It just, it's a, it's an occurrence that happens so much more often than I think people realize because nobody wants to think about something like that happening in a classroom.

Um, but I feel like, like I've posted about, um, and part of my set is talking about catching a girl. Giving a hand job to a guy and every time I've told that story online or anything like that, like there are so many students and teachers in the comments talking about their own personal experiences of having seen that in the classroom and like it, you would think that that would be something that only like a very small portion of the population had experienced that like.

[00:15:00] These kids are, are doing stuff like that in class, but unfortunately, the hormones, they, they take over their bodies. It's, it's a horrifying time to be honest. It genuinely, they, they, they have no self-control and it's just nothing but hormones. Um, so thoughts and prayers for, uh, that poor teacher that you were in the class with?

I hope she recovered because that's. Uh, also random shots fired at her for not being super hot. I do think it's a little funny. You're like, she wasn't even hot though. What were they doing? I think that's really funny. So we're gonna do something special today. I'm actually gonna read you guys the forward to my book and we may do a little bit of this, um, because we've got the book coming out and it's in pre-order now.

So I'm gonna read you the forward for my book. They never taught us that. Um, and the title of the forward is when a Terrible Student becomes the Teacher. I'll [00:16:00] warn you now that this book is kind of like when you click on something to get a recipe, and you have to first get through the story of how their nana took it in her bodice from their war torn homeland, and it is now something meaningful that it's not just a recipe, it's her family.

This is a book about how to be a teacher, but it's also a book about how I learned ways not to be a teacher, but feel free to skip the war torn bodice adventures if you want. I will never know. I hope you enjoy it, but more, I hope it helps you navigate teaching in a way that makes you feel like you have a friend and an advocate in me because you do.

Stop talking. Bless their hearts. My teachers spent the 13 years I was in school from kindergarten through senior year, telling me to stop talking when I was in fifth grade. I vividly remember sitting in class and trying desperately to focus on the teacher who was speaking above the construction noise happening outside the temporary trailer where the class was being held.

I loudly and repeatedly complained that noise is so [00:17:00] loud, it's so annoying. My incessant keening apparently got to my teacher, who without missing a beat, stopped mid lecture and said, Andrea, your voice is more annoying than that sound. I still remember the way my cheeks heated. At the sudden way, the class attention shifted to me.

The teacher apologized to me later that day, but the rest of the time I attended that school, my friends would quote these words back to me. Your voice is more annoying than that sound. Given that my educational career echoed with the ubiquitous repetition that I needed to focus and stop talking so much, it was a surprise to every teacher that taught me that I became a teacher.

Sadly, as a teacher, it is honestly terrible practice to monologue all class, but that awareness came much later. It was not just my chattiness that made me an unlikely educator. I was also unmotivated, had undiagnosed A DHD and drifting through school just there for the vibes. It was not until 10th grade with [00:18:00] mostly Cs cluttering my report card that I had a shift in my thinking.

Up until that point, I had been operating on the thought that I was simply incapable of learning at a high level, and CS were as good as I was likely to get. I had a regular habit of delaying my essays in English class until the last possible second, and getting a fairly decent grade, which was all I expected of myself.

I mean, I literally had an a IM screen name that was eh, underscore average. Shooting for the stars was not in my repertoire. One day my sophomore English teacher dropped off an essay I had written with a B minus written across the top of it. I puffed out a sigh of relief. Rather than applaud my mediocrity, my teacher looked at me and said, Andrea, this is absolutely unacceptable.

You're an incredibly talented writer, and this, she tapped pointedly at the B minus. This is not demonstrating that I was crushed, but I was also shocked me. A talented anything. That teacher shifted my [00:19:00] self-concept with that one comment so thoroughly that I started to read passionately and write fervently.

It is because of that teacher that I became an English major, an English teacher, and that I sit here today writing this book. Good luck trying to get me to shut up now. Alright guys, so that is the forward to my book. Um, it may be slightly adjusted because it's still going through some final editing processes, um, but I am so excited for you guys to see it.

That is the energy and the vibe that runs throughout the entire book that goes along with a lot of the advice and the stories and all of that stuff. Um, so we are so excited to bring it to you. Um, and it's already available for pre-order on Barnes and Noble and Amazon and a bunch of other places. So, um, if you just search up Andrea Forche or they never taught us.

That it should pop right up. Um, and I am really excited to share with you guys a different book as our resource today. So with that note, we will be right back. Have you ever wondered what I would say if my mother and [00:20:00] my administrators weren't watching every single thing I do on social media? Well, that's exactly what my standup show is, and I'm gonna be coming to a town near you super soon.

You can get tickets@educatorandrea.com slash tickets.

Welcome back, teacher Besties. So the book I wanna tell you guys about is actually a series of books, um, and it's called What Should Danny Do? This is a children's book and it's not a free resource. Normally, obviously I like to do the free re resources for you guys just 'cause it, you know, we're teachers and we don't wanna have to spend any money that we don't have to.

Um, but this book is. Legitimately so great. I think you should add it to your classroom library, especially elementary teachers. Um, there's, it's a series of books that is by, um, a husband and wife team, Gannet and a Dear Levy. And the books essentially are, choose your own Adventure books. And they have two characters.

So there's a, what should [00:21:00] Danny do series, um, with a little boy. And then what should Darla do? Series with a little girl. And in these books. The main character, Danny, he goes through his day and you get to make the choices for him. And then there are natural consequences that happen as a result of his choices.

So for example, one of the first things that happens in the original Danny Book. He comes down to breakfast and his younger brother is eating off of a plate that he wants to eat off of, and he gets to decide whether or not he throws a fit about it or he gets over it and he just eats his breakfast. And depending on those choices, either has a, like a really fun day or he has like a sour day.

And I think there's like eight separate stories. So you can make a bunch of different types of choices that'll bring you to all these different endings. Um, and my kids absolutely love it. And it introduces the whole conversation, the whole concept of natural consequences for your decisions that like, it's not like the parents in the book are constantly giving them [00:22:00] consequences for the behavior.

It's like, oh, you flipped out, you spilled the pancakes, now you get cereal for breakfast. 'cause we don't have any more pancakes. You know, it's stuff like that. And so it introduces the comp. The conversation about personal responsibility and all of that in a way that is just. So healthy and so good for kids at a really young age.

Both my kids love it and I have every single one of the books that they've come out with. And I just found out, um, from the authors because they have sent me these books before, just as a, a public disclosure, like not paid ad or anything like that. But they have sent me the books, um. To read and they just contacted me and told me they're coming out with a new Darla book, which I'm very excited by because there's three, I think Danny Books right now and one Darla book.

So we're getting a new Darla book. I'm very excited about it. Um, it's just, you know, it's, it's really fun when you can find a book for your kids that. Meets more than one need. Like it's entertaining the art's. Really cute. And then it also helps them [00:23:00] actually learn things, you know, like always the goal. Um, so if you don't have that yet in your classroom library, absolutely check it out.

It is fantastic. Um, okay. The hill I'm gonna die on today is, uh, coming from a recent experience I had where I went to the Golden Corral. Which if you've never been, what? A cross section of humanity. Um, but because of that experience, I mean, you literally, you're sitting at the Golden Corral. You will see every ethnicity, every language, every culture, every faith comes through those doors, right?

And they have so many different offerings that you can get at the Golden Corral. Um, I personally would not go there if my family was not coming, like was not, Hey, we're going to Golden Corral, meet us there. Um, because. I, my sister got really bad food poisoning there. I've gotten food poisoning there. It's, it's a buffet in case you guys did not know.

Um, and so I, I am not generally a big fan. However, [00:24:00] the cross section of humanity there is incredible. My hill that I'm gonna die on is that if you had the public polling stations outside of a Golden Corral, you would get the best cross section of American culture that you possibly could, because it doesn't matter like what cultural background you have, you are gonna get that representative there and you would think you're like, oh.

But it would be like maybe like some of the lower socioeconomic, no. There were people there that were dressed in like a suit and tie. There were businessmen there. I think there were even people like logging onto the wifi and like tippy tapping away on their laptops. It was incredible. I legitimately was shocked.

And the people watching was like an airport. It was amazing. Highly recommend the people watching at Golden Corral. I can't fully stand by the, the food offerings. Um, although I will say I had their fried chicken and it wasn't bad, so. They've got that going for them. Um, if you have thoughts about what we chatted about today or you wanna [00:25:00] reach out to us, you can do that.

I am on Instagram and TikTok at Educator Andrea, or you can contact the whole Human Content Podcast family at Human Content Pods, or you can email me over there as well, andrea@humancontent.com. And thank you so much to those of you guys who have left those awesome reviews. If you haven't done it yet.

Now is the time. Um, and if you wanna catch the entire video episodes, they're up every single week on YouTube. Thank you so much for listening. I'm your host, Andrea Forche. Our executive producers are Andrea Forche, Aaron Corny Rob Goldman, and S Shahnti Brooke. Our editor is Andrew Sims. Our engineer is Jason Portizo.

Our music is by Omer Ben-Zvi. Our recording location is Indiana State by College of Education. To learn more about how to survive the classrooms program disclaimer and ethics policy and submission verification and licensing terms, you can go to podcaster andrea.com. How to Survive the Classroom is a human content production.[00:26:00] 

Thank you so much for watching. Want more of how to Survive the classroom? You can watch more episodes right now. Just click on that little box over there. You see it, and if you haven't yet, please subscribe. Okay, bye.