What Happens When Algebra Meets Abandonment Issues?

Voicemail: [00:00:00] So why is it taking my dad 15 years to come home after just going to get a pack of cigarettes from the gas station? Let's explore this.

Andrea: Have you ever wondered what I would say if my mother and my administrators weren't watching every single thing I do on social media? Well, that's exactly what my standup show is, and I'm gonna be coming to a town near you super soon. You can get tickets@educatorandrea.com slash tickets.

Hey, teacher besties. Welcome to How to Survive the Classroom. I am still riding an absolute high from this past weekend. I had my two shows in Indianapolis, um, and if you were keeping track, yes, it was supposed to be one. Um, and I, here's, here's a little bit of inside baseball for you. Okay. When you go to these clubs, generally speaking, if you [00:01:00] are headlining and you get booked at these clubs and you know, it's a earlier.

Time of day, it's because the club has to see you perform at that level. Like you gotta sell tickets, you gotta move tickets, right? And so they booked me for this 4:00 PM on a Saturday. And then I kept looking and I was like, guys, there is somebody else named Tip Harris who is scheduled for the same exact time slot as me.

It was so weird. I could not figure it out. Um. And I was like emailing, um, the club owner and I'm like, Hey, man, like, it just, it, it's weird because we're at the same time slot and I know you guys have different rooms and if you wanna put me in a side room, I'm cool with that actually. Like, that's totally fine.

Like I'm not about the ego, I'm just there to do jokes and meet people and. We figure out that I've been double booked with this person named Tip Harris. Woo-hoo. Some of you may have recognized immediately. Um, Gasper and Phil. Uh, the comics I do teachers lounge with both laughed at me because they immediately knew who that was.

Um, that's the rapper. Ti uh, the guy who [00:02:00] sings, uh, bring them out, bring them out, and like a bunch of other ones. Very, very big in the early two thousands and now he's doing comedy and we got double booked, um, very, very unfortunately, got double booked. And so the, the owner was so, so kind and accommodating to me.

'cause I was really worried. I was like, well, of course they're gonna go with him. Like he's, he's very, very famous. Um, so I guess maybe my shows are gonna get canceled, but that's not what they did. Instead they moved me to the upstairs room, um, and he said, Hey, if you sell at the first one. Then we'll add a second show at 6:00 PM and I was like, amazing.

So I sold out not just the first one, but both. Um, so I moved, we ended up having 120 people there at the show. It was so much fun. I think partially because we were in just like a really small. Tight room. Um, but I also was really working on my crowd work and so I was just doing a lot more audience interaction and stuff, and it was the absolute best.

I had so much fun, um, so much fun in [00:03:00] fact that they are gonna bring me back in February for another show in Indianapolis, which is also very exciting. Um, so if you are local to the Indianapolis area, I hope you come because hopefully we won't have another, uh, scheduling mishap with any. Rappers from my high school days and we will be on the main stage in February.

Um, but it's just the absolute best time. We had a great time. My husband said it was like some of my, my best work yet on, on stage, which is very exciting as well. So, um, I did, one of the things I think I am, um, getting better at is the crowd work and being a little bit more comfortable being myself on stage.

And I think part, partially, I have gasper to thank for this because I, he is so good with crowd work and he's been doing standup for a really long time. But, um. There was a teacher who was sitting in the front row and she told me that she's a third grade teacher, but she loops, so she's been looping with her students since kindergarten.

And my very first reaction [00:04:00] was just like, so if they can't read, you have no one to blame but yourself. Which is not true, of course, because there's a lot of other things, other dynamics and stuff. But it just like immediately came out of my mouth. Um, and it reminds me of the kind of crowd work that I see Gasper do, which is like.

So mean a lot of times, but so funny. And I actually have a clip I found on Instagram. It's not of Gaspers crowd work, but when I came across this, um, this week, it actually kind of reminded me of it. Um, and it's this guy who's interviewing like different kinds of MMA fighters, but just being so unnecessarily.

Like coming at them sideways. So let's just listen to that real quick. 

TikTok: You are an MMA movie called Born A Champion? Yes. Based on that title. I'm guessing the movie wasn't about you. So your Instagram handle is cli jitsu. Yeah. That's kinda your unique spin on Jiujitsu. Mm-hmm. Is the signature move tearing your ACL and sitting out for a year.

Yo, what the fuck your real name's Marco is? You're missing [00:05:00] ACL's name Polo. You ever thought about changing your name from the Cali Wave to the crippled wave? You were a captain of your high school football team? Yes. Must have been a pretty small school, huh? Are you worried about any potential brain damage?

Lasting brain damage from fighting? Uh, no. 'cause I've always been weird as shit to begin with. Yeah. So what if I told you, this is the third time I've asked you that as a guy who spent the last, uh, year and a half teaching kickboxing with one leg? Mm. Uh, is class just you going, uh, imagine this. Ever thought about calling your class Moy?

Try. What's more damaging to your brain? Head kicks are recording. Two podcasts. Nobody's heard of. So are you aware there's an Instagram page called at Mickey Golf Future Champ? Is there? Yeah. Is what it's called. How hard is it to keep up with the podcast and post for that account? That was nicer than what you could have said.

Yeah. 

Andrea: So basically the premises, he's so unnecessarily mean to these MMA fighters and then he fights them, um, like they actually, like they put on gloves and they fight. And I think that is a hilarious [00:06:00] way of starting any kind of interview. Um, but, and I won't. I won't say that Gaspers any nicer than that, but if you're in the front row and you have sensitive feelings, I would just say maybe don't sit in the front row if, if Gasper is gonna be there for sure.

Um, but his, his crowd work is absolute top tier and I think is usually at least partially, um, some of the favorites for what people. Come away with. Um, I also found something else that just made me very happy this week that I came across, um, on Instagram. And this, this comedian, well, I don't even, I don't think he does standup question mark.

I don't know if he does. Um, but this had me cackling this morning 'cause it's very much on the same line of things of what I share on my page, but just from like a different perspective. 

TikTok: Good morning. Good morning. I would like to start a physical fight with another student at 7:00 AM No, no, don't do the crack of dawn.

No, don't do that. It is the dead of winter. The sun is not up yet. I want [00:07:00] to have physical violence with another teenager right now. How? Hey, Mr. Jay, are you on your lunch break? Yes. Yes, I am. Oh, great. Cool. I can come in here and trauma dump on you. So when my dad, uh, I did not want, this was in his twenties.

He was not ready to have, this is gonna ruin my sandwich. Made. He made a note like he did not want me, dude. He did not. Yeah.

Why are you yelling in the hallway? 

These go hard in this hallway. This, they go hard. They do. 

Yo, Mr. Jay, why did God build you like a spatula with no handle? Young man, you were not in my fourth period. Your square body act. You're not even in my fourth period. You body playing. Oh, this class. Weak as hell. I don't even need algebra in my real life.

This is US history. Okay, well if you was a better teacher, I know what the fuck this class was about. Come on, be interested. Come on. Paid attention. Ah. All right. Lemme try it. Yeah. Yeah. See, I [00:08:00] was right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't do that anymore though. You, you can't. You gotta stop. Yeah. I know. I know. Yeah. I was right though.

I was right. I'm never going, I'm never gonna let him forget that. But I was right. I. 

Andrea: I just, that absolutely sent me, it was so funny, and just like the, the fact that it always blew my mind that kids came to school and wanted to fight at like seven o'clock in the morning. Like they had their Pop-Tarts or their hot Cheetos, and then they were just ready to rumble immediately.

It's just so early. I just don't care about anything that much that early in the morning to think about, like physical violence at that stage of the day. It's too early. It's too early. Like, don't talk to me. Don't acknowledge me, I just wanna exist in my little bubble. Um, which of course you can't do as a teacher, but also the thought of like going and starting a fight at that time of day is outrageous behavior.

Um, okay. So I'm very excited about hearing what you guys sent in this week. And [00:09:00] before we get to the first one, I just wanna say, if you have been listening and you haven't yet sent in your insane story, please do. I know people have them because I get like a thousand submissions every single week in my, what are those kids doing?

So just take one of those and then click on the little button and go to podcast or andrew.com and leave me a voicemail. All right, let's listen to the first one. 

Voicemail: I was subbing high school for the one of my first few times subbing, and it was an eighties themed spirit week day. And there was this one kid in his phone wouldn't stop beeping no matter what he did.

So he had weights with him because he was doing the eighties theme day, and he took his phone into the bathroom and tried to smash it with the weights, which then set off smoke alarm. 

Andrea: Wait, wait, I'm sorry. How did smashing it with the weights set off the alarms? I, here's the thing that I [00:10:00] think is so very strange about like all of the, the fire alarms, the vaping alarms, the smoke alarms that we put in the bathrooms, it seems like they are just not super specific and in, in big 2025, can we not figure out how to make sensors that, number one, have some kind of like.

Protection around it so that kids can't immediately go in and disable it, right? Because obviously that's gonna be the first thing that happens. There's gonna be one kid who takes a skateboard to that little vape alarm or smoke alarm in the bathroom. But how in the world did shattering the phone? I'm trying to think of a scenario in which that would make it go off.

Maybe the phone started smoking, but I wouldn't think it would. I feel like almost all of the, um, various phone destruction that I'm hearing about is people just sticking like random wires and electronics into their phones or into Chromebooks to make it [00:11:00] start a fire. And phones are expensive. I dunno how people are spending.

That kind of money on it. And then I would assume they're not doing it to their own phones. I would assume they're just doing it to school Chromebooks and doing it to other people's phones that maybe they hate. But as a parent, if I gave my kid a phone, especially those phone, like those phones are so expensive, they're like a thousand dollars.

And I found out that like one of their friends thought it would be funny to try and start a fire to, to do arson in the midst of class. I think I would absolutely crash out like. And I, I don't know. I feel like also when I was in high school, most of the pranks that we did, they were not that they were harmless, but they weren't going to massively destroy school property.

But I mean, we also weren't trusted with Chromebooks. The greatest example I have of the. Silly goose shenanigans that my friends and I would get into is, I have this friend who, he stole a popcorn [00:12:00] maker because they would always do these fundraiser things at school, and so at lunchtime they would sell a bag of popcorn for like 50 cents or whatever, right?

Well, it wasn't the season for that, and so one of my friends. Stole the popcorn maker and snuck it into the boys' bathroom and started popping popcorn in the boys' bathroom and was selling popcorn out of the boys' bathroom, which like, on the surface I think is actually so funny. Um, and also like who, like who are you hurting?

Nobody, I think, I don't even know that they really got in trouble. It was more like, don't. Market popcorn out of the bathrooms anymore. Um, which honestly, I feel like what I hear about the most is that kids are like running haircut like side gigs out of the bathrooms, like. I've heard of lots and lots of kids bringing clippers to school and they'll just like, you know, they'll edge up their friends and stuff in between classes or at lunch and make a couple bucks.

Um, and I, I've always wondered why it is [00:13:00] that schools don't allow kids to have any kind of entrepreneurial spirit, because I know for sure. At all the schools I worked at, there was always like the candy kid who was like doing a candy hustle and he would like move candy bars throughout the school, um, and make, and make some money.

And I never understood why that wasn't allowed. Like, I guess maybe they were trying to support the like healthy kids initiatives and stuff like that, but it didn't matter what it was. It wasn't like we were checked, checking the macros on the candy bars or on the protein bars before they got confiscated.

It was always like, Nope. Nope, you're not allowed to sell anything. And I've, I've had kids that were selling burritos out of their backpacks too. I mean, I, I love an entrepreneurial spirit. I'm all for that. So, alright, let's go ahead and listen to the second voice memo sent in this week. 

Voicemail: So, I'm currently a high school counselor, and that's its own set of stories, but I used to be an English teacher for ninth and 10th grade.

One day I had a [00:14:00] freshman boy come in at the beginning of class and say, uh, Mr. P, can I do a math problem on your board? And this kid was always a goof, so I had no idea where he was going with this, but uh, I said, sure, why not? Uh, so he gets the marker from my, uh, dry erase board and he starts writing all these equations on the board.

And he's like, so there's a gas station about a mile from my house, and can we all agree that. The average person can probably walk four miles per hour at a brisk pace. And everybody in the class is like, yeah, okay. So he writes it on the board and he does the equation and figures out that at four miles per hour you can get to the gas station in about 15 minutes.

Uh, then he says, so given that it'll take maybe five minutes to go into the store, buy what you need, walk back. So if you're going at a speed of four miles per hour. You should be able to go to the gas station and back home in about 35 minutes. Correct. And everybody's like, yeah, sure. [00:15:00] So then he starts going off saying, so why is it taking my dad 15 years to come home after just going to get a pack of cigarettes from the gas station?

Let's explore this, and then he starts coming up with all these variables that could be holding his dad up at the store. He goes, uh, were they out of his favorite brand? Did the cashier have to go to the back? Was the cashier hot? How big were her boobs? Was he a redhead? Did he buy scratch off? Did he win?

Did he go to Vegas with his winnings? Uh, did he take the cashier? And he is just writing these numbers and drawing these stick figures of his dad in the cashier filling up my board. Uh, but eventually he did the math and figured out that assuming dad would be home tonight, he would've walked at a pace of 0.0 0 0 1 5 2 1 miles per hour.

Andrea: Oh my gosh. I like, at no point did I know where that was gonna head. Like I, [00:16:00] here's the thing, I, I think that so many people forget how. Funny. These kids can be like I, when I tell the stories of the things that students have said in my class, there have been so many times where people have been like, no kid said that.

No kid is that clever. And I'm like, most, like a lot of the kids are that clever. Like that kid came in. And was like into the English class and was like, lemme do some math real quick for everyone to make a joke. Like, I feel like that bit would do so well on a standup stage. Like now that I'm in the standup circles and stuff, I'm like seeing things that other people are doing that are not standup comedians at all.

And I'm like, like that. Like that's a marketable joke. Like that's so freaking funny. And I, I just think that people who. Like are missing the joy of teaching. They forget to enjoy that stuff, you know, like. To really enjoy like how [00:17:00] incredibly funny these kids are at all ages, by the way. Like all the little kids and the big kids just say, and they're funny for a lot of times, different reasons.

Um, but I, at my show this weekend, one of the things I asked is, um, I wanted to know, um, what those students were up to at class. Kinda like I do on Fridays and I do for my voice memos and stuff like that. And somebody said that all they're doing. In, in between classes is they are taking all the condiments from the cafeteria, they're taking 'em into the bathroom and they're stomping on them and they're like punching them against the walls so that the walls are covered in mustard and ketchup and mayo.

Just constantly, and I'm like you, I was like, first of all, how sure are you that it was Mayo? Like that was my first establishing question because how we don't. We're not gonna investigate that too closely. But then the other thing that blows my mind is our jobs are so [00:18:00] hard, right? Like being an educator.

Getting into the routine of teaching and creating lessons that are engaging and all of that, like that part is hard enough. That part is enough rigor and challenge in our day. Our brains are constantly trying to think of fun things to like. Inspire and encourage and teach and all of that stuff. But then a good portion of our day isn't that It's identifying the fluids on a bathroom wall.

And I think it's so crazy that so much of our time is spent doing non-teaching. Stuff as a teacher, like I was recently thinking about this too, because I, I had this one student who was telling me that he wanted to be a math teacher because he loved math. And I was like, that's great, but if you don't love students, you should not become a teacher because most of what we do is not what we're teaching.

Like I love English. That's why I became an English teacher. I love writing and reading and I get really like nerdy, excited about teaching about all that stuff, but if I didn't like. The interactions where [00:19:00] a student is telling me a joke about how his dad left him to go get a pack of gum at the store.

Like if I couldn't find the humor and the fun in that piece, then like, what are we even doing? Right? And I feel like it's really obvious with teachers who have lost the plot when it comes to teaching because they no longer enjoy that part. Right? They're over it. They feel like they've seen an iteration of that kind of a thing so many times that they can no longer.

Find the funny in that, and I think partial, partially it's because we get really burned out, right? And like if we're in a bad mood, we're not feeling well, we got X, Y, Z going on. It is really hard to find the funny in some of that stuff. Um, which is why something else I have been doing with my standup is I will ask people why they have letters in their file.

Because I share about several stories from mine. And the stories this weekend were so funny, like one girl said, um, that a student wasn't doing their work and she walked up to them and they said they didn't know what to do, and she said she [00:20:00] crumbled up the paper and threw it away in front of the student.

I'm like, you know what? That had to feel so good though. Like how good did that feel? Right? Um, and another one, uh, and. Language warning, we'll bleep this, I think. Um, but uh, the other person said that she got written up because a student was talking back to her and she said, you know what off? And I was like, oh.

And like literally she got like a standing ovation from everyone in the room because as a teacher, like there's so many kids that are just so out of pocket, right. In any normal scenario, these kids would get like punched. They would get told to cough, like they would be told to like just. You know, they, they can't behave like that in normal life.

Like the world does not give a crap what kind of a day you've had or where you came from. If you come at somebody sideways, you're probably gonna get it right back, right? But as teachers, like we're leaders, we're trying to show how to have high social emotional [00:21:00] intelligence, but we're also people. And I just, I was like, man, did it feel good though?

And she's like, yeah, it really did. And she was like, it was great. She was like, get in the letter and the file sucked. But. Ah, I was like, yeah, it was worth it. You know? It was so funny. And I just, I feel like we have to balance the fact that like, we don't wanna be so burned off, burned out that we, uh, like lost the plot entirely.

But also we need to acknowledge that teachers are people and they're doing the best that they can. You know, because sometimes, sometimes you just gotta crumple up some paper and throw it away and get a letter in our files. Sometimes it happens. Um, on that note, we are gonna take a very quick break and when we get back I'm gonna share with you guys about the hill I will absolutely die on and a resource that I found that I think you guys are really gonna like.

So we will be right back.

Hey, teacher besties, welcome back. So. First things first, we're gonna talk about the resource that I am so excited about. [00:22:00] Um, it is with Discovery Education. So, you know, the Discovery Channel, the one that we are all so, so familiar with. Um, I was really doing a deep dive into some of the different things that they have available for educators.

And one of the things that I really love is they have a network. So you log in and apply. So they do have like. An application process probably just to verify and make sure that students aren't accessing all of these teacher resources. Um. But you log in and then, um, they have events and opportunities and you can network with other teachers.

And that in particular is what I love so much. Now, I've already shared on here that using Facebook groups and Facebook pages, um. To try and get resource and kinda like crowdfund resources for your classroom is super, super helpful. Um, but especially if you're a STEM teacher, I feel like discovery education in particular would be a really good resource and would plug you into some events that might allow for you to do some really smart [00:23:00] networking with people that are teaching the same subject as you.

Um, with a little bit more probably, uh. I would say guardrails in place to make sure that students aren't getting access to that. Um, and I, you know, one of the things when I was, I was coming combing through this and a couple other resources and talking to a couple of my friends who were teaching, um, and the discussion of how we're combating AI use in the classroom or.

You know, using AI in the classroom keeps coming up. Um, and so I also wanna take the opportunity to invite you guys to share with me what you're doing in your classrooms to help keep students from using ai. Because what, like, when it's not the appropriate time? Because what I'm hearing from a lot of my colleagues is that these students are using ai.

All the time. And it is now predictably, um, causing them to really struggle with some analytical tests, tasks, um, that they're really struggling with, [00:24:00] kind of getting to the place where they can deal with a little bit of rigor without crashing out. Um, and so I wanna know from those of you guys who have used AI or are trying to avoid having students using ai, how are you doing that?

Because my first gut instinct is that we're just gonna have stuff printed off. Um, have them do it in class. All of that stuff, but I'm, I'm wondering if I'm missing something here. So if you're in the classroom and you're struggling with how to deal with that or you found a really good way, I would love, love to hear about it.

So, um, make sure that you send me a DM or email us and um, let us know what you guys are doing for that. Alright, now let's jump into the hill. I'm gonna die on, you cannot have a perspective of meritocracy. Being the way that our nation should be formed and at the same time not support public education.

If you are sitting there saying, we do not need to fund public schools, and you think [00:25:00] that America should always be a meritocracy. Then you are, you are living in a dream world because the only way a meritocracy actually can exist is if we actually give resources to schools in a way that is equitable.

And I know that equity, it scares so many people. I need you to take a breath. Okay. Equity means that we are going to give more resources in places where there are less resources in this context, right? Of course, it's been used in many, many ways, but what I'm saying is 90% of funding. For schools, okay? On average is provided by the the state and by the local districts.

Okay? Only 10% is federal and that, and that number kind of fluctuates. And the reason that number fluctuates is because if you are in a Title one school, a school that has an established level of poverty, the federal government will supplement those funds. And the reason we do that is because of that belief in meritocracy, which is an [00:26:00] absolute joke if we don't actually fund schools in a way that is going to allow teachers to do their jobs.

And I feel like so many people think that teachers or school districts are like somehow bloated and have like all these extra resources and that just shows it's, it's profound ignorance. Because I have taught in Title one schools and when I was in a Title one school, that is where I had 43 freshman students in my English class.

43. Do you know one of the best predictors for student success? Small class sizes. Small class sizes, because you cannot build a relationship because that's not the only class I had. I had five classes a day. That meant that every day on average, because I had a couple classes that were a little less, I saw 203 students every single day, and I recently read a study that said that the human brain is [00:27:00] capable of maintaining 150 meaningful relationships at a time.

That means that our human brains are not capable of maintaining that many relationships at any given time. And that's not even like, that's just students. That's not even any other relationship. In an educator's life, and that's not even thinking about, oh my gosh, we have specials teachers that see 500 kids a week, or we have student or we have, um, social workers at the school or therapists at the school that are supposed to have caseloads of 400 kids.

It's outrageous. That is what that funding is for. If you have a problem with how the funding is being used, then what we call for that is a little bit of oversight. Okay. And the way that oversight has been done. Not the entire history of the United States, obviously, but the US Federal Department of Education a lot of times provided some of that oversight.

And so now we are, we are dismantling this. And here's, here's the thing that really pisses me off with [00:28:00] this, is that if you are going to dismantle something like this that is in charge of divvying up funds for schools all over the country, but at the same time are unwilling or. Unaware of who is going to take over that responsibility.

You are doing nothing but causing panic. You need to give people the information and I've been looking okay, because, and I, I don't anyone message me and tell me to stay in my lane. This could not be more my lane. I have a PhD in curriculum and instruction. I know that I make jokes on the internet. I know that most of the time my stuff is funny.

This is my lane. Okay. And the fact that I, as someone with a doctorate am searching high and low, going onto the White House website, going on to every article I can possibly find from every source I can find. Trying to figure out who is going to help make sure that. All of these students with [00:29:00] special needs are still gonna get the funding they need that all of these Title one schools are going to get the funding that they need in order to support the education of the kids that we are expecting to carry on our country.

And I can't find it anywhere. There is something wrong with that. Okay. That should be bipartisan, by the way. Okay. I'm a pretty moderate person politically and I, I just looking at what's happening right now. And the fact that they are like, Hey, we're gonna get rid of all of this. And everyone's like, great.

Wonderful. That's awesome. Without the second part of, and who here is who's going to be making these decisions? Now they're just blanket saying like the states, but that's, that's not, that's not how the money, the money works, right? Like, that's not how any of that works because not every state got the same amount and they're not saying.

Is every state gonna get the same amount? Now, is it gonna be based on population? Is it gonna be based on the number of schools? Is it gonna be based on the number of students with special needs? Is it gonna be based [00:30:00] on the number of Title one schools? They are not communicating that, and so it's impossible for any educator to support this, this track of thinking because educators are sitting there going like, how are we going to help our students?

You haven't told us anything other than we're getting rid of the Federal Department of Education. So I, I know that's a very large hill that I'm dying on, but I, I feel incredibly passionate about making sure that Title One schools receive funding and students with special needs are given access to all the educational tools that they possibly could need in order for them to be successful and be contributing members of society across the board.

So that's the hill that I'm gonna die on. Um. You are welcome to disagree with me. If you wanna be wrong, that's totally fine. I encourage people, um, to say it with their full chest. So if you have thoughts about what we talked about today, um, you can email us, [00:31:00] andrea@humancontent.com, or you can DM me on Instagram or TikTok or Facebook or any of the places.

Or you can contact the whole Human Content Podcast family on Instagram or TikTok at Human Content Pod. Um, and thank you guys so much for leaving reviews. I really, really appreciate the awesome feedback. And if you haven't done it yet, please do. Um, and the entire video episodes are up every single week on YouTube.

Thank you so much for listening. I'm your host, Andrea Ham. Our executive producers are Andrea Ham, Aron Korney, Rob Goldman, and Shanti Brooke. Our editor is Andrew Sims. Our engineer is Jason Portizo. Our music is by Omer Ben-Zvi, and our recording location is the Indiana State by College of Education. To learn more about how to survive the classrooms program, disclaimer and ethics policy and submission verification and licensing terms, you can go to podcast or andrea.com.

How to survive the classroom is a human content production.[00:32:00] 

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