Why I Will Never Love a Parade

Voicemail: [00:00:00] Couple days later, a freshman in driver 

ed in the middle of reviewing for a test blurts way too loudly. I'm Climaxing. What am I doing with my life?

Andrea: Have you ever wondered what I would say if my mother and my administrators weren't watching every single thing I do on social media? Well, that's exactly what my standup show is, and I'm gonna be coming to a town near you super soon. You can get tickets@educatorandrea.com slash tickets.

Hey, teacher besties. Welcome to How to Survive the Classroom. I, right now am coming off of a wild and crazy weekend. Uh, I was invited to speak for my kids. Like they, they had a 40th anniversary for their school, and so they invited me to be the speaker. Um. [00:01:00] And I was really excited about this. But you know, it was one of those things, I'll be honest, I don't feel like I prepared enough.

I sat down and I like created a bulleted list, but I didn't write it out long form like I do with my comedy sets and all of that kind of stuff. Um, so when I finally got up there, I had felt really confident, but then when I got up there I was like, uh, and then the mic, you guys, okay, so with. Comedy in general and public speaking.

How you hold the mic and how you gesture and all of that. Is it? It's like a prop, right? And so I have been working really hard trying to figure out how to hold the mic. And if you watch any of my clips now, you won't be able to unsee it. If you watch any of my clips of me doing standup, I am fighting with that mic cord so aggressively.

I just released one of my clips from my show that I did in Philly, and I am like the entire time tangled up in the mic cord in a way that is so ridiculous. And when I did my Irvine show as well, I was like just like holding [00:02:00] it against my chest 'cause I didn't wanna trip on it. It honestly, more, more than making jokes or anything like that, me having to handle a mic cord while performing is apparent like that, that is my Achilles heel.

Apparently. And so I've really been thinking about this lately and trying to figure out how to better hold the mic. And I go to do, get up there and like again, had I practiced more, I think I would've probably been fine. But I get up there and the mic is taped to the ground. So now where I'm planning on being able to walk around a little bit and move in the space, it is like taped to the ground.

The mic is on the podium. And it's pointed kind of down because the person who spoke before me was like a little bit shorter than me. So I go up and I try and like lift the mic up and I'm talking and I'm like gesturing with my hands. And as I'm talking I can, I notice that the mic is wilting in front of me, like, like.

Like, um, [00:03:00] someone who maybe should have taken a blue pill at some point. Someone who's past 40, you know, and I've, I'm just trying to speak into the microphone and every time it just like. Slowly deflates in front of my face and I'm trying to not let that bother me. And so I'm like picking it up and by the end, I'm holding it like a baby bird in my hands trying to keep the mic pointed towards me.

'cause that had to be so distracting that every couple seconds, it was like all of a sudden a little bit quieter. I, it was a battle. It was a battle this weekend. Um, and I was really going through it, but I had fun and I got to meet a couple of really, uh, cool people because I guys, I struggle with getting to know the parents at my kids' school.

Um, not that I don't want to, I want to, it's just. They are in a community that has been around. Everyone's like grandparents went to school together and they've all lived in this little town in Indiana for a very, very long time. And so I'm the new parent. So when [00:04:00] I'm at these events, I'm usually like standing kind of off by myself.

And it's not that I don't wanna talk to people, I will, it's just they all know each other. So they're in like this great conversation and what am I supposed to do? Do I just like go up and I'm like, Hey. Hi, I'm Hi. I need friends. Hello. I am new here. And the thing is, is everyone knows my kid, right? Um, my son in particular, my daughter as well, but my son in particular has a reputation that precedes him.

So usually how I end up making friends with some of the parents who I have met is they'll say, oh, you are his mom. And I'm like, yes, I'm sorry for that. I did talk about that in my speech as well, where I was like. You may know my son and I said his name and I was like, you know, if you, if your kid came home and decided to share some anatomical knowledge with the rest of your family, um, that was, that's on me.

So I am sorry about that. He just, he wants everybody to know and he's a big lover of [00:05:00] truth, you know, so sorry, um, which is probably not winning me a whole lot. Of friends in those situations, but I'm doing my best. I feel like I'm getting there where like the more they see me around, maybe they'll be friends with me and I've done a couple play dates.

'cause I feel like that's the only way we're allowed to make friends in our thirties or whenever it is you have kids of school age. Um, so I'm working on it guys. I'm, I'm working on making friends and with my, with my, my kids' friends. Parents 'cause that is apparently the loop that you just have to live in for a while.

Um, but this weekend was also Labor Day weekend as I record this and it struck me. On Monday because I took my kids to the pool the last day in the Midwest. Usually like for some reason they've all agreed upon the fact, even though it's gonna be probably still warm for another month, that Labor day is the day that we quit on pools.

And so I took my kids as like a last hurrah. And last year and the year before, we [00:06:00] didn't go to the pool. Instead we went to the Labor Day parade. Which I did un like when I showed up the first year after we moved here to watch this parade, I didn't understand. I thought it was a normal parade. Right? And I also hate parades.

I think parades are garbage waste of time. I'm so sorry. I'm not to be a Grinch, but they're terrible and I hate them. Um, and so like I'm, I'm watching this parade with my kids. My husband loves a parade. He loves a parade. He, when we're at Disneyland, will sit to wait for a parade. He's a parade Waiter. And I love him so much, but that is an unforgivable thing that I have to live with.

And it's the cross that I bear. Okay. He's a parade watcher. And so I'm, I'm sitting there and, and we start this parade and all of a sudden these giant work trucks are coming down the road. And I'm like, what is occurring right now? Why are, why is there a cement truck? And my husband looked at me and he's like, Andrea, it's [00:07:00] Labor Day.

And I was like, yeah. So what's with the cement truck? And he's like, Andrea, all of the people in these parade floats. Everyone who cr, who's like in this parade is a labor union member. And I was like, oh, so just so we're clear, we're going to be watching a parade of people who this is their day to like just do nothing.

And then we've made them march in a parade. And give us handy. And he is like, no, no, no, no, no. This is great. This is like a celebration and they love it, and blah, blah, blah. And I will say, it seemed like the Paraders loved. Parading, but I was very confused, um, because I did not realize until moving to the Midwest that Labor Day is a celebration of like labor unions and workers' rights and stuff, which I'm, when I posted this on my stories on Instagram and so many people were like, your history teacher failed you, first of all, absolutely not.

We are not doing [00:08:00] that because I guarantee you I was taught it. I wasn't paying attention. So we're definitely not gonna blame my history teacher for failing to inform me of something 30 years ago because I guarantee you I was informed and wasn't paying attention. Um, but yeah, so I, that got me on this weird role of like finding out what other people have parades for and the things that people submitted to me were so magical.

I now have a massive list of parades that I wanna go to. One of them is a coder fest. I don't know what that means and I don't really wanna Google it because I like the wonder of not knowing what Coder Fest is, but that is a festival somewhere. If you're gonna Google it, I wouldn't recommend doing it at a at work.

Okay. Maybe just don't do that one. There's also a Pickle parade in one town, another had a beer festival that they do for like brewing and all of that. Um, there were so many parades. There's a pirate festival in Massachusetts and I'm like. [00:09:00] Yeah, like how amazing would that be? I bet there's rum tastings. I bet you get to dress like a pirate.

That sounds legitimately amazing. So I don't know if you feel like, um, America doesn't have enough culture, just Google up what festivals and parades are happening and it's gonna, it's gonna make you a little bit more patriotic. You know, because there are all of these like really fun multicultural parades and festivals and all of that that are within these communities too.

And so it is kind of like looking at like the public. Parades and festivals list really does give you, I feel like a good taste of the local community. Um, and my husband has always been a part of like the Midwest, like Indiana stuff because his dad's a part of Germania Manacor, which stands for German man Choir.

I'm not screwing with you. And he, they do this like singing thing and they have a giant, it's almost at the same time as it's like late summer. Um. And you just go [00:10:00] and you drink all the German beer and you get bratwurst and, um, something called kraut balls, which, um, isn't related to testicles, even if it sounds like it.

It's basically sauerkraut in like a, a cream sauerkraut and cream cheese together that has been then dipped in dough and deep fried. And I gotta say, they are delicious. So if you're ever in southern Indiana and you wanna have a real experience, go to Evansville. Um, Germania Manacor because it is an experience.

I, the first time I went, I think I was newly married to my husband and that was like, okay, this is what I'm in for. Um, and what we are in for is some voicemails that have been sent in to us today. So let's go ahead and jump into the first one. So, my daughter is a 12th grader. 

Voicemail: She's taking a college level class to dual enrollment class.

And this week her teacher apparently was upset by the 25 minutes that he had to spend with his [00:11:00] ninth graders. And he walked into her class and yelled, sit down and shut up. I have my asshole pants on today. Teenagers being teenagers that they are, they of course got to chuckling about it and said, oh, you have your asshole pants on.

And the guy said this multiple times during the class. It was reported to the principal in the next day. He came into class with the principal there and he had to apologize to the students. It was really a non-apology, but teenagers being teenagers that they are from the back of the class, one boy says, oh, so you don't have your asshole pants on today?

And the whole class lost it. And the teacher, instead of doing what he should have done. And laughing at himself and apologizing, ignored it. So for two weeks now, the kids ask him, do you have your pants on today? It's never gonna die. And the [00:12:00] seniors are loving it. 

Andrea: I, I love this so much because I was fully prepared for the parent to be very upset about this, even with seniors, you know, because as teachers we really should not go in and say things like that, even though we think it and feel it in our heart of hearts and our souls.

Um, is that like, oh, I am gonna be an asshole today. I'm so sorry that you are gonna suffer through this, but mm-hmm. Um, and it, it's this weird thing too with teachers. I do feel like we are pretty. Good at code switching and can kind of swap from like school diction into normal life diction. Um, I absolutely have had times where I accidentally let some words slip, especially early on before I had kids and before I had a couple years in the classroom.

You do have things that will like. Kind of slip out, like, um, there was one time, uh, which I don't know if I've, I've told this story on the, on, on here before. Uh, [00:13:00] but I had a student who was very into the walking dead and so was I. And um, he tried to spoil it for me and I was like getting ready for the day.

I was very stressed and I was like, I don't wanna hear it. I'm gonna watch it tonight. 'cause I had like. Recorded it 'cause that's the era it was guys. Um, and he got ready. He is like, oh well, you know, Glen die. And I looked at him, I said, don't you f word dare. And it, everyone in class was there, the whole class.

And it was a class of freshman through seniors. And everyone stopped in that moment, just immediate, like you could hear a pin drop. And it was one of those mo few moments in my life where it just was so instantaneous that I had so much regret of what had just come out of my mouth because I was, again, a new teacher, didn't have, wasn't established there at all.

I knew the kids obviously. Um, but that like. That was coming from my soul. I'm like, don't you dare ruin this show for me. And it just like, it came out and I, I remember thinking like, I [00:14:00] just literally wanted to physically just grab the words and bring them back. But it had, it was too late. It was out there and it was too late.

Um, and he, and no one ever told that administrator, um, at all. And I never got in trouble for it, but they did for the rest of the time. Try and blackmail me into giving them better grades and all that. It never worked because I'm like, I'll just say I didn't like no one recorded that, like it was still at the time where like phones weren't always being used to record.

Um, these days I feel like that teacher, even if he hadn't fessed up to it, I feel like someone probably would've been recording, especially if he said it multiple times. That is pretty brutal to have a class that goes so badly and then you have to roll into your next class. I also, as a note, that teacher is teaching both freshmen and seniors, and I have done both of those grades before my, when I taught freshmen, that's what I spent a majority of my time doing.

Actually, [00:15:00] six out of my nine years teaching. Um, I had freshman English classes, so I had freshmen my first three years too, but just, you know, a few sprinkled into my journalism class, but my like purely. Unbridled unfiltered. Freshman groups were, were in my English classes, and they are a nightmare in fall.

Which is right now, right. Nightmare in fall because they just, they came outta middle school. They think they're really big and bad and they come outta middle school and they're absolutely nightmares bouncing off the wall, like having a million puppies. They're all hormonal. It's the worst. Right? And then that poor teacher has to go for that to seniors.

And seniors in fall are actually usually pretty chill, which is probably why that teacher thought he could get away with saying what he said because in fall. These students are still thinking like, okay, like I gotta keep it together to graduate all of that. Spring you're screwed with seniors like in, in spring, they're a [00:16:00] nightmare.

But this poor teacher was probably like, oh my gosh, finally, I am, I am with my seniors, but I know that they're gonna pull something if they think that I'm in a good mood. So, you know what? I'm, I've got my asshole pants on today, so leave me be, I, I just, I empathize with that teacher because I feel like I've been there before.

Um, I've never actually said those words, but obviously I've said. So I'm not standing in judgment, but I would genuinely apologize. Um, and probably have like when my students told me about it in the future, three years of it, um, I did laugh about it. Um, so, and actually as I'm recording this in a couple of weeks, I have my show with the teacher's lounge, um, in Richmond, Virginia.

And my, some of the kids that were in that class. Um, actually are going to be at that show, uh, which is very, very exciting. I've got several stories and my first ever administrator, Mr. Williams, who's been on the show before, is gonna be there as well, which is, [00:17:00] I'm, I cannot even tell you how excited I am about those.

Um, okay. Let's go ahead and jump into the second voice memo sent in. 

Voicemail: I teach high school GE as I walked into the locker room for locker room supervision the last hour of the day. A senior girl hands me a little baggie with white residue. I just picked this up off the floor. I smelled it, so hopefully I don't die immediately.

Took that to our SRO. Couple days later, a freshman in driver ed in the middle of reviewing for a test blurts way 

too loudly. I'm Climaxing. What am I doing with my life? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 

Andrea: wait, wait. Somehow I was still stuck on the potential cocaine that someone sniffed, snorted, or sniffed. And then, and then we moved into a student in the midst of driver's.

Ed said she was climaxing. I need so much [00:18:00] more context. Than that. Here's the thing that I, I always get pushback with my videos because I'll post a, a, just a compilation of things that people send into me, right? And it's stuff like this, like cocaine, A girl saying that she's climaxing, and I get zero context for that and I put it in a video and people are like, why are you saying these horrible things about these children?

And I'm like, this is a snapshot of what a teacher faces on a daily basis. This isn't even the bad stuff. This is the stuff that we can kind of laugh about because it's insane and kids are acting out and they're being wild. Like it's not even the really depressing stuff. Like the fact, the fact that the girl picked up the bag of white powder and sniffed it.

I'm trying to think if I would be that dumb. I, I fear that I would, I would hope I wouldn't now as an adult, but definitely when I was in high school, I would probably be like just baking powder. Like give it a little taste and like, I've never done cocaine. I wouldn't know what [00:19:00] cocaine smells like, looks like.

I gather it, it's like fine dust, like baking powder. I've never actually seen it in real life, but based on the movies that I've seen, you know, I've seen movies where people do the drugs and so I'm guessing, I could probably say like, that looks like cocaine. Um, but I. Oh guys, I fear that I would be stupid enough to probably be like, let me just like, especially if like when my kids are in high school and I find something in their room, would I take the time to be like, let me go get a kit and test it?

Probably not. But what do you even do? Like she took it to the SRL, uh, SRO, which is smart move, right? Um, but what if you found something like that in your kids' room? Would you go and get it tested? 'cause what if you get pulled over on your way to go get the test? You hide it somewhere in your house. And then somebody, oh, just nightmares.

Also, drugs are terrifying all the time, but especially with the fact that it seems like there's fentanyl in everything now. So guys just like don't [00:20:00] do drugs because whatever ad campaigns they have warning everyone about overdoses from fentanyl are working on me, but dare also worked on me. So I mean.

What can I say? I'm apparently highly susceptible to fear mongering based on drugs and stuff like that. I am terrified of it. Um, the, the second part, shall we, shall we take a dive into that second part where that girl said that she was climaxing? Um hmm. You know, I would love to think that she was just telling a story.

And in her story, she had gotten to the most crucial moment, and that's what she was referencing when she said that she was climaxing, not that there was anything else going on there at all, because she's in a car and I can't, I don't, and I can't, I fathom any other scenario that I want to think about in that situation.[00:21:00] 

Um. Also completely random guys. I've been watching the, um, Amanda Knox Docus. It's like a, like a dramatic retelling of the Amanda Knox stuff. Like, 'cause she mur she was accused of murdering her roommate and everything. Um, and it's based on the book that she wrote and I need you guys to watch that and report back to me on how you feel about that.

'cause she did eventually get. Like freed spoiler alert, but watch the news. Um, but Amanda Knox, like she did some weird stuff, some weird stuff that made that I could see why they would be like, she's a little crazy. But one of the things that they made it seem like in this made it seem like she was like some sort of weird sexual de deviant, is that they found a vibrator.

That was their basis for why she was like doing weird sex games and stuff. I haven't, I haven't finished the, the miniseries yet, but I'll come back and report my [00:22:00] belief on whether or not she's guilty. Nobody cares about my opinion on it, but. I highly recommend it. It's a really good miniseries. Um, and I know that now she is like podcasting and talking about wrongful conviction stuff and all of that, which I mean, get your bad girl, but I dunno, it is, there's some moments where I'm like, that did make you look really bad.

That was probably not a good idea. But I also, my, I, I think the reason I'm fascinated by her story is right around that time was when I was living in Germany for a year and, but for. A lot of luck. It could have been me that got like tangled up in something horrifying like that, right? Like I was a stupid 19-year-old girl.

I remember at one point I was in Amsterdam and I let some random dude walk me back and he left me in the middle of Amsterdam with no phone and no money. He didn't take either of those from me. I just didn't have them. And I, I didn't know how to get back and I was lost in Amsterdam in the middle of the night like.

How am I [00:23:00] not dead? Honestly, it is what a miracle. What a miracle. All right. Um, on that uplifting magical note, we are gonna take a quick break and when we get back I'm gonna share some really cool resources with you. So we will be right back. Welcome back, teacher Besties. So I found this website called Generation Genius dot.

Okay. Um, and this is basically a lot of DIY math and science, so like STEM based activities and STEM based resources. So for example, they have an activity where you can make your own Fossil DIY and it has like the difficulty rating on it. And then it also has, um. Like how long it would probably take for you to do so.

For me, this is stuff that I look at because both of my kids are very into science and that is not something that was ever my natural interest. I [00:24:00] love books so much. Shocking. Absolutely no one. I love books. I love reading and my son loves to read. Um, and my daughter recently looked at me and stabbed me in the heart by saying, books just don't interest me.

And I was like, uh. I don't know why you had to say something so mean. Um, so my big goal with her is to find the right book because I am such a believer that the right book is what you have to find. Um, but until then I am also going to like point them towards the different STEM things that we can do together.

'cause they do genuinely love that stuff. And you always wanna like help and encourage all of that stuff. And what I love about the activities on this website. Is that they are all really hands-on. So it's not like here's a lecture about the moon cycle. It's like, here's how you could create like a little earth and here's how we could show the moon and put the flashlight here.

And so it helps explain things to kids in ways that are very, very tactile. And I feel like especially in younger grades, that can be really, really effective. [00:25:00] Um, and it's separated out. It goes up to eighth grade. So if you're a high school teacher, honestly I still feel like kids would be so excited for this, but it's really.

Heavy into like the basics of stuff. So some of this I feel like would be a really good icebreaker or opener for a new unit. For example, they have one that's like engineering with candy, DIY. So they've got like a little thing of gummy bears and they've got toothpicks and they have to try and put a book on top of a structure they've created with a gummy bear and toothpicks, like stuff like that.

That's pretty easy. It doesn't require a whole lot of prep. Um, and then the kids get to eat the disgusting candy after they've all touched it. You know, kids would be into that. They're disgusting. It's fine. Oh, that was one thing that didn't go super well at my speech at my kids' school is I started off by being like I was gonna teach elementary.

Um, but as much as I love kids, elementary, kids are disgusting. For some reason, this group full of parents of young children didn't think it was funny when I said Their kids are disgusting. But here's the thing, in [00:26:00] my defense, they are so, I'm so sorry. You can't face the truth of that with me alongside me.

Um, I'm very excited about this weekend 'cause I have a show in Chicago and, you know, middle school and high school teachers tend to be the ones who come to the shows and stuff. I do get a couple elementary teachers, um, but they high school teachers and elementary or middle school teachers, they, um, kind of are a little more willing to laugh at stuff like that.

So, yeah. Uh, but yeah, check out Generation Genius. It's really cool. Lots of DIY activities. You could have some kids be able to do it themselves. Um, and then you've got others that would definitely need some, some parent and some resources and stuff like that, but very fun, very hands-on and all of that. So check those out.

They've got little videos too to help with the visual of, of all of that. Um, okay. Now moving on to perhaps the most important segment of this podcast, and that is my opinions and the hill I would die on. [00:27:00] And here's the thing, um, I have noticed recently that there is a huge uptick in cigarette smoking.

Like it seems like that is starting to come back to the forefront. And the hill I'm going to die on is that cigarette smoking is becoming more popular because vaping is so embarrassing to watch. If you are vaping, it is like the most like emasculating embarrassing flacid act. Even like, even if you're trying to do it cool, like the way people, like, you're not holding it like a cigarette, you're holding it like you're kind of hiding it and it just honestly looks embarrassing.

And I think that's hurting the future. Not just because uh, vaping is bad for you, but also because it's pushing people back towards cigarettes. 'cause you look so much cooler when you're smoking a cigarette than you do when you're vaping. And I've never done any of these. I think they're terrible for you.

You shouldn't do them. But I think that we can blame the embarrassing look of vaping. On why people are starting to [00:28:00] smoke cigarettes. Again, I think it's the vaping industry's fault. It's even embarrassing when you see the, like the vape shops, they also are like named the worst things on the planet. And if you were trying to say with your whole chest.

I'm gonna go down and get a vape from, fill in the blank, your local vape shop. Look it up. Find out what the closest vape shop to you is called, and you wouldn't wanna say it out loud or to anyone you respect because it's an embarrassing place to go. And that is the hill I'm going to die on. So don't vape and don't smoke cigarettes, um, because both are terrible for you.

Um, and vaping makes you look. Even, even more embarrassing, honestly, like that's probably the real reason that. There's been so few babies born in the past decade. That's why we're seeing the population decline is because of the vaping. Cervixes are just slam and shut all across the nation. So, [00:29:00] you know, help us all out and don't do that anymore.

All right. If you have thoughts about anything that we talked about today, um, or you wanna submit your story, you can do that, andrea@humancontent.com. Actually, your story should be in the voicemail tab. On our website, which is podcaster andrea.com. And then you click, click the little thing that says voicemails and send me your voicemail 'cause I wanna hear what your students are up to.

Um, and if you wanna contact the entire Human Content Podcast family, you can do that at Human Content Pods. And thank you so much to those of you guys who have left a review. And if you haven't yet, get your life. Together and leave a review. Um, and if you wanna see the full video episodes, they're up every week.

Sometimes this random sound tile falls on my head. It hasn't yet today, but I did just put it back up. So who's to say what's gonna happen in the next, like, minute and a half? Um, thank you so much for listening. I am your host, Andrea Forche. Our executive producers are Andrea Foram, Aaron Corny Rob Goldman, and s Shahnti Brooke.

[00:30:00] Our editor is Andrew Sims. Our engineer is Jason Portizo. Our music is by Omer Ben-Zvi. Our recording location is Indiana State by College of Education. To learn more about how to survive the classroom's program disclaimer and ethics policy and submission verification and licensing terms, you can go to podcaster andrea.com.

How to Survive the Classroom is a human content production.

Thank you so much for watching. Want more of how to survive the classroom? You can watch more episodes right now. Just click on that little box over there, you see it, and if you haven't yet, please subscribe. Okay, bye.