EPISODES & TRANSCRIPTIONS
Oct. 27, 2025
Why Is This Man Eating Placenta Soup?!
This week started with a gut punch, my course evaluations. Let’s just say a few of my college students think I should “go back to teaching middle school.” Ouch. But you know what? They might have a point. Somewhere between grading, crying, and doom-scrolling, I stumbled into a TikTok hole about a g…
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Oct. 20, 2025
Bless Your Heart… But You’re Wrong
You ever have one of those weeks where your kid says something so wild you can’t even respond right away? Yeah… mine started with a confession about sniffing a friend’s butt. I also found myself on tour with two grown men who can’t remember their rental car company, and then I saw a viral video of …
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Oct. 13, 2025
Is “6-7” the New “Deez Nuts”?
This week I found myself wandering through a 90s fever dream, yes, there was an actual Tamagotchi pop-up shop, before heading to Chicago for a sold-out show that brought out old students, old stories, and one deeply unimpressed middle schooler. Then, things got even more chaotic when teacher voicem…
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Oct. 6, 2025
Why I Will Never Love a Parade
I thought the mic stand was going to be my biggest battle this week… but between parades I didn’t understand, parents at my kids’ school, and voicemails that took turns I could have never prepared for, this episode had me reeling. From a teacher who declared he had his “asshole pants” on, to a lock…
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Sept. 29, 2025
Gollum Matters More To Me Than Taylor Swift!
This week I learned that nothing divides the internet faster than Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s engagement and yes, I have thoughts. Spoiler: I’m baffled, not bitter. From my squirrel-and-nut analogies to realizing Lord of the Rings news impacts me way more than celebrity weddings, this episode i…
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Sept. 22, 2025
Did a Kid Really Need Stitches From a Stall Hook?
This week had me cackling, cringing, and covering my face. First up, Indiana State roasted me in the most unexpected way, and then a listener voicemail hit my inbox about a confiscated classroom “toy” that looked suspiciously like something straight out of an adult store. Add in another voicemail a…
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Sept. 15, 2025
What Do You Even Say After A Student Goes Up in Flames?
This episode has everything: a very confusing proposition for Gaspare in Arizona, students showing up to class with “water bottles” that definitely weren’t water, and a kid who decided standardized testing needed more… flames. Literally. I also get into the messy overlap between teacher contracts a…
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Sept. 8, 2025
When “Creative Expression” Ends in Flames
This week I found myself caught between two very different kinds of chaos: one involving an art teacher with a flair for fire, and another that sent me spiraling back to the glory days of Limewire downloads gone wrong. I’ll just say this, what started as innocent creative expression and curious mus…
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Sept. 1, 2025
What Do You Do When a Student Mentions a Murder?
Teacher besties, this one whiplashed me from what did that sub just say? to why am I holding the phone with a detective?
We start with a voicemail about a beloved substitute whose first day with third graders went… let’s call it catastrophically “old-war-story meets wrong audience.” The recovery…
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Aug. 25, 2025
Who Is Mr. Wilson… and Why Did We Almost Call CPS?
I thought I’d heard it all when it comes to the chaos that happens in schools… and then this episode happened. From bizarre moments that made me question my own sanity to a story that had me laughing so hard I had to stop recording—this one is a ride. Let’s just say it involves a teacher, an unexpe…
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Aug. 18, 2025
Could You Tell If Your Students Were High?
This week’s episode has everything: brownies gone wrong, mice turning into classroom pets, and yes… the day I realized my car had become a rat maternity ward. (Don’t eat during that part, teacher besties.)
We kick things off with a student cruise that takes a very unexpected turn when a principa…
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Aug. 11, 2025
What Happens When Students Plot to Get You Fired?
Between trying to deep-clean grout, almost impulse-buying enough tile to redo my whole house, and befriending an owl that definitely wants nothing to do with me, my life is chaos right now. But teacher besties, we’ve also got some insane listener stories this week.
One caller shares how struggli…
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Aug. 4, 2025
Should Superintendents Be Scared of Me?
This week? Oh, I just casually FIXED EDUCATION. You're welcome. Between moving houses (but like... literally down the street?) and talking to a room full of superintendents about what teachers really want to say (spoiler: they did not love the football metaphor), it's been A Week™. Also, y'all hit …
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July 28, 2025
Is This the Most Mortifying Moment in Classroom History?
This week’s episode dives into your craziest educator stories— including what has to be the mortifying moment in classroom history.
First, we’ve got a teacher who meant to say “stop jacking around” and... well, you can guess how that went. I lose it (obviously), because every teacher has had one…
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July 21, 2025
How Did We Get from Science Class to Testicle Talk?
I started this episode already on edge because a mysterious chip in my windshield had me spiraling into a full-blown Safelite conspiracy. And if you think that was wild, just wait until you hear what one of your fellow teacher besties found smeared under a student’s desk. (Spoiler: it’s exactly wha…
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July 14, 2025
Did Kourtney Kardashian Just Cancel Public School?
This week I went full trash-TV-to-education-policy mode after Kourtney Kardashian called public school “dated” and bragged about homeschool like she invented it. And y’all… I have thoughts. We’re talking 1% privilege, educational history, and why calling schools outdated is actually the most outdat…
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July 7, 2025
How Did a Normal School Day Turn Into a Raid?
This voicemail had me fully sweating. A teacher casually drops that a full SWAT team showed up at her school… and the kicker? It wasn’t even a drill. We’re talking lockdowns, military gear, weapons drawn, and a group of students who were just trying to get to lunch. And the reason they showed up? O…
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June 30, 2025
What Happens When a Pencil Meets a Butt?
I was feeling proud after successfully replacing an exterior light… until I dropped a screw into the mulch and my son roasted my bald husband mid-chaos. Classic. But that’s not even the wildest thing in this episode. I’m talking pencil-related injuries, fourth graders defending their moms’ honor in…
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June 23, 2025
Is There a Right Way to Ruin a Bathroom?
Let’s just say this episode covers a lot of... ground. From one very misplaced turd to a student-inspired staple surgery, I walk you through what can only be described as a masterclass in middle school madness. We’re talking scorched Chromebooks, poop-related investigations, and yes, whether you st…
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June 16, 2025
Did a 13-Year-Old Just Outsmart the School Firewall?
You ever discover something about your teacher that made your teenage brain short-circuit? Yeah, me too. So this week, I dove headfirst into the teacher lore rabbit hole, because nothing says professional development like finding out your music teacher once chucked a desk at a kid. Oh, and remember…
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June 9, 2025
Hallway. Now. Before I Start Laughing.
This week, I had a full-circle moment as a burnt-out teacher turned soccer mom… and then immediately pivoted to unpacking a story where a fourth grader threw up peace signs and declared his love for a very adult body part during writing time.
You know—balance.
We’re talking about teachers sur…
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June 2, 2025
He Threatened to Poop on My Desk
It’s Episode 50, and honestly… what better way to celebrate than with a voicemail about a student who threatened to poop on a teacher’s desk?
This week, I’m unpacking end-of-year exhaustion (May energy is real and it’s violent), plus the wildest school stories you sent in—including kids confessi…
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May 26, 2025
The Ballad of Bastards and Grammy Nominee, Five for Fighting
This week, I’m talking to literal Grammy-nominated musical legend John Ondrasik—aka Five for Fighting—about education, mentorship, Costco carts, and how he’s working to put real music teachers back in underfunded schools. (Also, I tried not to ugly cry while listening to “100 Years” on loop. Mostly…
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May 19, 2025
There Will Be Smoke
Teachers, you know it's gonna be a weird week when you're prepping comedy for a room full of principals— including ones you still have to work with. Am I nervous? Yes. Am I planning to open with “remember your why”? Also yes. Let chaos reign.
This week, I’m sharing my behind-the-scenes prep for …
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