EPISODES & TRANSCRIPTIONS

PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK (OUT MAY 5, 2026)!!! — ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/43BquPd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Have you ever booked a hotel so sketchy that even the Uber driver took one look and canceled the ride? Because that was my weekend in Essington, Pennsylvania. I’m joined by Chicago-based interventionist and comedian Jayson Cross, who, despite being 47, looks like he’s microdosing youth because he hasn’t aged a day since 2001. We’re settling a major debate: is it worse to bomb in front of 30 paying comedy fans or 30 middle schoolers who have to see your face every day for the next six months?. Jayson breaks down the "cleanup crew" life of an interventionist, and Gerry admits he’s basically a classroom dictator because "whatever gets you to follow me on Instagram" is his new motto. Also, we’re back on our medical nonsense (sorry, not sorry). Gerry finally learns that he does, in fact, have a prostate, while I try to explain why a kindergartner’s insult feels like a literal knife to t…

PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK (OUT MAY 5, 2026)!!! — ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/43BquPd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ I have a confession to make: I am officially eating my words from last week. My husband, who actually went to Yale for medicine, informed me that basically everything Ms. Dugan and I said about male anatomy was 100% wrong. We had the confidence of straight white men, but we were batting zero. In this episode, Gerry updates us on his "stroke of thunder" snow day (which was actually just a regular storm) and his new hobby of doing glamor shots for his Spider-Man "dolls", excuse me, action figures. Plus, we dive into the world of "Fuglers," which are quite possibly the most upsetting stuffed animals I’ve ever seen, yet Gerry owns five of them. We’re also talking about the "food desert" of healthy fast food. Gerry is officially on his health king journey, but he’s ready to crash out over the fact that a side of fruit at Chick-fil-A costs more than a literal chicken combo.

PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK (OUT MAY 5, 2026)!!! — ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/43BquPd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Today, we're joined by my fellow high school English teacher and total girl’s girl, Miss Molly Dugan. We’re diving into the absolute chaos of being a teacher on the internet, from people trying to pit us against each other to the "sourdough baddie" comments that have basically become an inside joke at this point. We also get into the trauma of being bullied by our own students. Molly shares a story from her early teaching days about getting "dumped" and having 28 eighth graders basically tell her she’s going to die alone. Plus, Gerry explains why he crashed out in his classroom this week. Write in and tell us: Have your students ever bullied you into changing your life?

PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK (OUT MAY 5, 2026)!!! — ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/43BquPd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ My kids were sick. My husband was sick. My babysitter got sick. Somehow I was the only one left standing, which honestly felt suspicious. Meanwhile, I was traveling for shows in Washington, DC and Philadelphia, performing for teachers… and accidentally for a group of 40 people who absolutely did not know who we were. So naturally Gerry and I had a lot to discuss. We talk about the chaos of teaching during flu season, the unhinged things students say to teachers’ faces, and the advice every new teacher needs before stepping into a middle school classroom. There’s also a heated debate about movie theater etiquette, a surprisingly philosophical conversation about insults from students, and the passive-aggressive teacher phrases that somehow become second nature after a few years in the classroom. And somewhere in the middle of all of that… we discover that Gerry’s students think he look…

PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK (OUT MAY 5, 2026)!!! — ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/43BquPd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Gerry came to my house for the Indianapolis show, insulted my daughter’s dental hygiene via the Tooth Fairy, may or may not have been exposed to Flu B, and then drove 11 hours home fueled almost entirely by marshmallows. So yes. We have a lot to unpack. We talk about the Terre Haute experience (including Gerry’s pilgrimage to the Larry Bird statue), the movies Gerry somehow managed to avoid his entire life, and why he believes Monty Python and the Holy Grail might be one of the worst films ever made, which is an absolutely unhinged opinion. There’s also a very important moment where Gerry publicly shoots his shot with one of my friends, a discussion about the truly shocking things parents would hear if they spent one day in a classroom, and multiple interruptions from my children who apparently believe recording a podcast is the perfect time to ask for snacks or show me injuries.

PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK (OUT MAY 5, 2026)!!! — ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/43BquPd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Teacher besties… I turned 39. Which means, naturally, I decided to spiral publicly and create “52 Weeks Until 40” as content instead of processing my feelings privately like a normal person. This episode has everything. Gerry trying to convince me to buy Crocs as a personality pivot. A listener question about burnout that feels way too real this time of year. My best life achievement (which unfortunately involves a cafeteria and questionable liquid). A very honest conversation about doing less in your classroom and surviving licensure requirements without losing your mind. And… a confession from Gerry that I genuinely did not see coming. We talk about burnout while trying to become a teacher, why you don't have to Dead Poets Society every single lesson, and what student behaviors absolutely would not survive in corporate America. Somewhere in the middle of all of that, we discover that some…

PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK (OUT MAY 5, 2026)!!! — ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/43BquPd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Matt Eicheldinger is back and somehow since the last time he was on, he’s casually signed over a dozen book contracts, written across multiple age ranges, and is now launching a dystopian trilogy. Meanwhile, I’m still over here arguing with copy editors about commas. We talk about what self-publishing actually looks like, what happens when Kirkus reviews decide your book is either brilliant or from the devil himself, and how middle schoolers might actually be the toughest literary critics alive. Matt shares the premise of his new YA trilogy, a flooded world, a foster teen, hardcore preppers, and a mysterious place called “The Hill”, and we get into what it feels like to pivot from autobiographical humor to dystopian survival.

PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK (OUT MAY 5, 2026)!!! — ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/43BquPd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Teacher besties… this episode has everything: licensure panic, conspiracy theories about teacher testing companies, medical dramas I probably shouldn’t have described in detail, and one first-year teacher who is being absolutely swarmed during passing period. Gerry is in his final form of teacher paperwork chaos, grinding through the edTPA like it personally offended him, and I may or may not have gone on a small rant about why some of these hoops exist in the first place. We also debate whether PE teachers really need a Praxis (Gerry has thoughts), spiral into television recommendations that absolutely should not be watched with children nearby, and answer a classroom management question that I know so many of you are living right now: how do you survive those first five minutes of class without losing your mind? Plus, we share irrational classroom pet peeves, discuss why students absolutely…

PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK (OUT MAY 5, 2026)!!! — ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/43BquPd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Gerry is back after what can only be described as the Ice Age: Wake County Edition, we compare notes on barely meeting our students, and I realize, once again, that trusting Facebook teacher groups might be a dangerous choice. We also talk about something huge in my life: my husband decided to try stand-up comedy for the very first time… during my show… with zero warning to anyone. Watching him crush five minutes on stage somehow made me more nervous than any set I’ve ever done myself, and Gerry’s reaction alone was worth it. From there, we spiral (naturally) into comedy venues that feel like side quests, students who refuse to pay to see their professors perform, the deeply unserious idea of giving extra credit for attending comedy shows, and the absolute audacity of calling planning time a “gift.” And yes, I climb onto a hill I’m fully prepared to die on, this time involving taxes, reading le…

PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK (OUT MAY 5, 2026)!!! — ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/43BquPd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Teacher besties… this episode is a little heavier than usual, but it’s one I felt I needed to record exactly as it is. Lately, the news cycle has been overwhelming, and as teachers, we don’t get the luxury of tuning it out, because our students bring it straight into our classrooms. In this episode, I talk honestly about what it feels like to be asked to “say something,” why nuance disappears online, and how impossible it can feel to hold space for kids who are scared, angry, confused, or all three at once. I share why structure can be one of the most compassionate things we give students during chaotic times, how I’ve navigated these conversations in my own classroom, and why empathy has to come before ideology when kids are involved. Then, we pivot, because life doesn’t stop. I respond to a first-year English teacher who is cheering out loud while grading student writing (yes, really), reflect …

PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK (OUT MAY 5, 2026)!!! — ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/43BquPd⁠⁠⁠⁠ I’m fresh off Teacher’s Lounge shows in Seattle and Portland (cities I was told to fear, but absolutely adored), and Gerry is coming back to work after a winter break so long it fully erased his sense of time, purpose, and identity. We talk about Pacific Northwest vibes and play a game that asks the important question: is this a student insult… or a Portland restaurant? Then we pivot into teacher reality: the story of a teacher arrested over a “private” Snapchat, what that means for how we vent, joke, and exist online, and why context doesn’t always save you anymore. We also dive into the grossest things we’ve ever seen in student backpacks, hypothetical snakes in classrooms, science teachers with emotional-support lizards, and the hills we are absolutely prepared to die on as we stumble back into the school year.

PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK (OUT MAY 5, 2026)!!! — ⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/43BquPd⁠⁠⁠ Teacher besties… this episode is what happens when you let me and Gerry talk long enough to uncover each other’s secret side quests. I found out Gerry is casually coaching middle school basketball, we unpack why coaching parents somehow feel less terrifying than classroom parents, and I confess that my basketball career was built almost entirely on effort, fouls, and one accidental broken nose. We also get into musical theater respect, drama teacher burnout, and the teacher red flags that instantly make you question the vibes. We also talk about the deeply humbling experience of hearing what students really think you look like when they think you’re not listening. Plus, we tackle a Would You Rather that exposes the fantasy of “saying whatever you want at work,” debate poop patrol versus state testing, and I plant my flag firmly on a hill involving people who describe themselves as “just blunt.”

Teacher besties… this episode officially marks a new era, and honestly? It’s already unhinged. I’m joined by Gerry (yes, that Gerry), and we immediately get into important topics like whether Terre Haute feels like witness protection, why Florida keeps rewarding me while Jerry watches from afar, and how I accidentally ended up hanging out with an NSYNC member in a fancy room full of extremely rich people. We also talk about New Year’s resolutions that feel suspiciously like punishment, the ongoing grading spiral, why middle school books sometimes hit harder than “grown-up” books, and the eternal debate of which boy band you’d actually want to survive a tour with. Plus, we dive into airplane etiquette (someone flossed), teacher Would You Rather questions that reveal way too much about school systems, and why Gerry’s geography confidence remains… ambitious. It’s chaotic. It’s conversational. And it’s exactly the energy this podcast is moving into. Takeaways: The moment I …

Teacher besties… I am recording this episode with teeth that feel like exposed electrical wiring, so if I sound unwell, it’s because I am unwell. I decided to get my teeth professionally whitened, and let’s just say the pain level was somewhere between “natural childbirth with a broken epidural” and “why did I do this to myself.” But vanity drama aside, this week I’m talking about the real chaos. Second graders chanting suspicious initials, and a recess mystery that may or may not have involved children unknowingly shouting a swear word. We'll also discuss the ongoing saga of my unfortunate last name, and the moment my husband revealed he once ran a black-market lamination scheme to get into a basketball game. Plus, I’m sharing why now is the perfect time to be your classroom’s Agent of Chaos, the website that gives you instant science/math magic for K-8, and the massive show update I’ve been waiting to announce.

PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK (OUT MAY 5, 2026)!!! — https://bit.ly/43BquPd Teacher besties… this episode I’m talking about hosting nearly 30 people for Thanksgiving (including a self-appointed “Director of Thanksgiving”), discovering my husband’s family may have some intense World War II memorabilia, and the moment I suddenly had to ask, “Was he… on the right side?” And then, because the universe wasn’t done with me, we dive into a student who shotgunned a seltzer in the middle of a lesson like he was training for a frat he cannot legally join yet… and another student who thought it would be hilarious to make his teacher’s mom his Chromebook wallpaper. Plus, I’m climbing onto a hill that I know is going to get me fired up, because if we don’t fix class sizes in education, nothing else even matters.

PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK (OUT MAY 5, 2026)!!! - https://bit.ly/43BquPd Teacher besties… this week I brought on one of my favorite chaotic humans: the hilarious Gerry Potoka, comedian, teacher, and man of mysteriously undefined licensure. In this episode, Gerry and I try to pinpoint what he actually teaches, debate whether PE tests are secretly impossible, unpack his “desk art collection,” and discover that his lowercase k is actually a cursive crime. We also react to a voice memo that had both of us questioning the ethics of having “favorite students,” accidentally stumble into a conversation about charcuterie boards and disease vectors, and play a game of Would You Rather: Teacher Edition that reveals way too much about our tolerance for cafeteria behavior. Takeaways: The shocking subject Jerry may, or may not, actually be licensed to teach. Why his lowercase k started an existential crisis in the teacher’s lounge. The voice memo that made us both rethink “favorite…

PRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK (OUT MAY 5, 2026)!!! - https://bit.ly/43BquPd This week I’m talking about the grading spiral that made me question my entire career, the wild field-trip confessions my five-year-old brought home, and the absolute unhinged energy that middle schoolers bring into any art room with a blank sheet of paper. And the voice memos? Oh, they’re next-level. One features a crime scene so disgusting I almost logged off my own podcast. The other… well, let’s just say a substitute made a choice that will go down in school-wide legend, and not in a good way. Plus, I’m climbing up on a hill I fully expect to die on, and it involves legal loopholes, teenagers, and why this country needs to get its act together. Takeaways: The surprisingly delicious St. Louis food that healed my pre-show stomach disaster. How a grading pile-up turned into a full-on identity crisis. Why elementary crushes feel like Shakespearean monologues now. The most unhinged classroom va…

In this episode, I’m unpacking how something as innocent as kombucha sent my entire life into chaos… how my own child managed to humiliate me in public with the confidence of a man three times his size… and why I found myself saluting a complete stranger at a gas station like we’d been through battle together. Plus, your stories this week? Unhinged. We’re talking ski masks, mystery backpacks, “not again” from a school counselor (which is never the phrase you want to hear), and one of the wildest parent–interpreter–admin conferences I have ever imagined. We'll also talk about the most hard-core thing I do before a show (hint: it involves antacids). And because I can’t help myself, I’m also taking a moment to climb atop a hill I’m fully prepared to die on, one that every creative, teacher, and comedian should probably hear.

In this episode, I’m talking about everything from a wildly out-of-place operatic performance at my dinner table… to a voice memo that had me reconsidering every teacher’s unspoken job description… to the moment I accidentally confessed to a German felony because I couldn't understand what anyone was saying. And yes, there’s a story in here about nipples. And lotion. And regret. Plus, I’m finally sharing the unexpected resource that has completely reshaped how I think about reading instruction… and honestly, I want to know what you think about it.

This week, I owe Texas an apology. Between discovering that Tex-Mex might be the best food on Earth and listening to a kindergarten voicemail about baby mama drama, I had no idea where this episode would go. But then my kids turned a safety talk into a plan for how to get rid of a body, and a student declared his future as a midwife. Somehow, we still managed to end with a heartwarming story about my sister’s new baby and a resource to help your students love writing again.

A re-release from last years thanksgiving episode! In this special Thanksgiving episode I sit down with Denver Riley to dive into a blend of holiday trivia, teacher humor, and unexpected insights. As we tackle Thanksgiving history questions (with some questionable accuracy), Denver and I find ourselves navigating through fun facts, turkey anatomy, and relatable teaching stories. We also discuss Denver’s “Jersey Shore” spirit day look, the challenges of historical memory, and the little moments that make teaching worth it.

This week’s episode had me clutching my pearls and questioning everything I thought I knew about middle schoolers. We got a voicemail about a student caught doing something unthinkable during class and somehow, it gets worse. "Keep your hands to yourself" suddenly has new, deeply unsettling meaning in the classroom. Teachers, you are not paid enough for this level of trauma.  Then, I share the foreword from my upcoming book They Never Taught Us That, talk about what inspired it, and reveal a resource that actually helps teachers get feedback that matters. Spoiler: it’s not from your administrator.

This week I learned that parenting might actually be harder than teaching. It started with my five-year-old asking questions about his “balls,” escalated into my husband giving a full anatomy lesson, and ended with me praying his kindergarten teacher doesn’t get a surprise lecture about semen. Then we hear from a teacher whose classroom window literally exploded mid-class (because of a rogue lawnmower rock, obviously), and I share one of my favorite free classroom tools for teaching grammar. All of that plus the hill I will die on: smart people can be terrible teachers, and college professors should be required to learn how to teach.

This week’s voicemails took me on a ride I did not see coming. First up: a sub walks into a high school on eighties day and witnesses a kid try to smash his phone with weights and somehow sets off the fire alarm in the process. Then another teacher shares a story that starts like a simple math problem and ends in the darkest dad joke ever written on a whiteboard. Somewhere between bathroom popcorn hustles, entrepreneurial students, and abandonment issues disguised as equations, we unpack why teachers are equal parts stand-up comedians and hostage negotiators.