EPISODES & TRANSCRIPTIONS

This week’s voicemails reminded me why teachers deserve Oscars for keeping it together. One teacher shares the horror of being publicly asked if she’s pregnant and another walks us through a “balloon” disaster that turned out to be something… very not balloon-like. Plus, I unpack the best advice I ever got from an administrator about what to do when kids say something so wild you have to literally turn and face the wall.

This week started with a gut punch, my course evaluations. Let’s just say a few of my college students think I should “go back to teaching middle school.” Ouch. But you know what? They might have a point. Somewhere between grading, crying, and doom-scrolling, I stumbled into a TikTok hole about a guy making something called “perpetual stew.” (Spoiler: it involves placenta. You’re welcome.) Then I found joy again through the weirdest toy ever made, the Fugglers, and two teacher voicemails that prove no classroom (or online class) is ever boring. Oh, and a story about a teen giving birth mid-class that somehow leads to me oversharing about my own labor story. We’ll end with a TED Talk reminder about being a champion for your students… and a hill I will absolutely die on: letting kids live online before they can legally be left alone is one of the biggest mistakes we’re making as parents.

You ever have one of those weeks where your kid says something so wild you can’t even respond right away? Yeah… mine started with a confession about sniffing a friend’s butt. I also found myself on tour with two grown men who can’t remember their rental car company, and then I saw a viral video of a mom furious at her kid’s teacher… because he didn’t drink his water bottle. This week, I’m unpacking all of it . The parenting chaos, the wild road trip energy, and why sometimes, “Bless your heart” is the only thing keeping me from losing it. Plus, two hilarious teacher voicemails you have to hear, including one about a student trying to learn cursive for a very suspicious reason.

This week I found myself wandering through a 90s fever dream, yes, there was an actual Tamagotchi pop-up shop, before heading to Chicago for a sold-out show that brought out old students, old stories, and one deeply unimpressed middle schooler. Then, things got even more chaotic when teacher voicemails rolled in: one about 8th graders who can’t stop saying “6-7” (and now in Spanish), and another about a slime experiment gone very, very wrong. Let’s just say it involved a phrase no one should ever hear in a science class. Add in a life-saving resource for struggling students and a hill I’m ready to die on why student teachers need to be paid and you’ve got an episode that’s equal parts nostalgia, cringe, and fire.

I thought the mic stand was going to be my biggest battle this week… but between parades I didn’t understand, parents at my kids’ school, and voicemails that took turns I could have never prepared for, this episode had me reeling. From a teacher who declared he had his “asshole pants” on, to a locker room surprise that may or may not have been cocaine, to a student loudly announcing she was climaxing in driver’s ed, let’s just say, things escalated quickly. And yes, I have thoughts. Lots of them.

This week I learned that nothing divides the internet faster than Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s engagement and yes, I have thoughts. Spoiler: I’m baffled, not bitter. From my squirrel-and-nut analogies to realizing Lord of the Rings news impacts me way more than celebrity weddings, this episode is a rollercoaster of pop culture side-eye, mom-life struggles, and teacher realities. You’ll also hear listener voicemails that had me laughing and questioning admin choices, plus a resource that might actually save you grading time.

This week had me cackling, cringing, and covering my face. First up, Indiana State roasted me in the most unexpected way, and then a listener voicemail hit my inbox about a confiscated classroom “toy” that looked suspiciously like something straight out of an adult store. Add in another voicemail about a kid who ended up in the ER after a bathroom stunt went horribly wrong (yes, it’s as painful as it sounds), and I spiral into a rant about why “no animal testing” might not be the flex brands think it is.

This episode has everything: a very confusing proposition for Gaspare in Arizona, students showing up to class with “water bottles” that definitely weren’t water, and a kid who decided standardized testing needed more… flames. Literally. I also get into the messy overlap between teacher contracts and legal weed, why standardized tests might be measuring culture more than knowledge, and the one hill I’ll absolutely die on when it comes to superintendents. It’s chaotic, it’s real, and it might just make you grateful your worst testing day didn’t involve a human torch.

This week I found myself caught between two very different kinds of chaos: one involving an art teacher with a flair for fire, and another that sent me spiraling back to the glory days of Limewire downloads gone wrong. I’ll just say this, what started as innocent creative expression and curious music hunting turned into disasters no one saw coming. And yes, you’ll probably feel just as nervous as I did listening back.

Teacher besties, this one whiplashed me from what did that sub just say? to why am I holding the phone with a detective? We start with a voicemail about a beloved substitute whose first day with third graders went… let’s call it catastrophically “old-war-story meets wrong audience.” The recovery arc? Shockingly sweet—but the initial moment had my soul leave my body. Then a second story drops: a teacher realizes a student’s casual recap might be the missing piece in an unsolved gang-related homicide near school—and suddenly she’s coordinating with investigators. It’s heartbreaking, complicated, and so real to how kids can be both soft and street-exposed at the same time. I share how these moments rewire your teacher brain—why some “favorites” in the sub pool become targets, and why kids who brush up against gangs are often looking for the same thing we try to build in class: safety and community

I thought I’d heard it all when it comes to the chaos that happens in schools… and then this episode happened. From bizarre moments that made me question my own sanity to a story that had me laughing so hard I had to stop recording—this one is a ride. Let’s just say it involves a teacher, an unexpected interruption, and one of the most jaw-dropping moments we’ve ever had on the show. You won’t see this one coming. Takeaways: The hilarious way one teacher’s totally normal day spiraled into absolute chaos. A moment so awkward, it had the entire room frozen. The unexpected classroom disruption that changed the whole vibe in seconds. Why sometimes the funniest moments are the ones you can’t plan for. Proof that teachers really do have the best (and wildest) stories.

This week’s episode has everything: brownies gone wrong, mice turning into classroom pets, and yes… the day I realized my car had become a rat maternity ward. (Don’t eat during that part, teacher besties.) We kick things off with a student cruise that takes a very unexpected turn when a principal tries to “prove a point” with confiscated brownies. Spoiler: it backfired spectacularly. Then, a mouse runs straight into class and one student’s reaction is… let’s just say not what I would’ve done. And to balance out the chaos, I sit down with Phil Januszewski, a high-energy youth speaker, about why awkwardness and failing forward might actually be the best gift we can give our students.

Between trying to deep-clean grout, almost impulse-buying enough tile to redo my whole house, and befriending an owl that definitely wants nothing to do with me, my life is chaos right now. But teacher besties, we’ve also got some insane listener stories this week. One caller shares how struggling in school meant being banned from every fun activity, while another almost got fired their first year for the crime of telling a kid to “sit down.” Yep. That’s it. I spiral about IEPs, incentives, dog training parallels (don’t cancel me), and whether candy counts as currency in classrooms. Spoiler: it does. This episode is messy, hilarious, and just a little bit wise—kind of like my grout.

This week? Oh, I just casually FIXED EDUCATION. You're welcome. Between moving houses (but like... literally down the street?) and talking to a room full of superintendents about what teachers really want to say (spoiler: they did not love the football metaphor), it's been A Week™. Also, y'all hit me with voicemails about peeing in bottles and damp key lanyards soaked in mystery liquids and somehow I still can’t stop laughing. Did I mention the AI shower head advice? It’s chaotic, it's honest, and it's the exact emotional fruit salad my life feels like right now.

This week’s episode dives into your craziest educator stories— including what has to be the mortifying moment in classroom history. First, we’ve got a teacher who meant to say “stop jacking around” and... well, you can guess how that went. I lose it (obviously), because every teacher has had one of those moments where your brain short-circuits in front of 30 teenagers. Then, we flip the tone completely for a story that rocked me: a teacher gets repeated death threats from an anonymous student, every day, in Spanish, via Google Classroom. When the system failed her, she became her own detective, and the ending? Infuriating. Plus, I talk about being misread online, learning Spanish for real this time, and a resource that can actually save your life when it’s time to break instructions down step-by-step for 42 different learning styles. Takeaways: A teacher’s slip of the tongue turns into a room-wide freeze frame of secondhand embarrassment.

I started this episode already on edge because a mysterious chip in my windshield had me spiraling into a full-blown Safelite conspiracy. And if you think that was wild, just wait until you hear what one of your fellow teacher besties found smeared under a student’s desk. (Spoiler: it’s exactly what you’re afraid it is.) Then there’s the student who decided to learn about vasectomies during class. Yes, there’s a YouTube video involved. Yes, it’s exactly as horrifying as it sounds. Add in some waxer hygiene tips I did not ask for, a nostalgic trip to my Legoland days, and a surprisingly heartfelt moment about comedy and marriage—and you’ve got an episode that’ll make you laugh, gag, and maybe cry. All in a teacher’s day’s work, right?

This week I went full trash-TV-to-education-policy mode after Kourtney Kardashian called public school “dated” and bragged about homeschool like she invented it. And y’all… I have thoughts. We’re talking 1% privilege, educational history, and why calling schools outdated is actually the most outdated take of all. Then we pivot—hard—to some iconic voicemail chaos, including the loudest poop story I’ve ever heard and a kid who apparently mistook the restroom for a personal performance space. And yes, I ask the most important question of the day: would you ever let one rip in your classroom? Plus, I drop a bookish resource that I genuinely use and love (and that Kourtney herself might wanna look into… just saying).

This voicemail had me fully sweating. A teacher casually drops that a full SWAT team showed up at her school… and the kicker? It wasn’t even a drill. We’re talking lockdowns, military gear, weapons drawn, and a group of students who were just trying to get to lunch. And the reason they showed up? Ohhhh, you are not ready. I spiral through the possibilities, ask all the wrong questions, and react in real-time to what is possibly the most over-the-top, under-explained escalation in school discipline history.

I was feeling proud after successfully replacing an exterior light… until I dropped a screw into the mulch and my son roasted my bald husband mid-chaos. Classic. But that’s not even the wildest thing in this episode. I’m talking pencil-related injuries, fourth graders defending their moms’ honor in extremely unexpected ways, and the dark, dark rabbit hole of what ER staff have had to remove from people's bodies. (Spoiler: birds. Literal birds.) If you think ADHD, butt pencils, or savage children might not be connected… just wait. Takeaways: What I learned about wiring from YouTube and losing screws in mulch. Why my 5-year-old’s forehead question stopped everything cold. A fourth grader’s defense of his mom you truly won’t believe. The ER story involving birds you will NEVER forget (or unhear). The ADHD hacks I swear by for surviving literally everything.

Let’s just say this episode covers a lot of... ground. From one very misplaced turd to a student-inspired staple surgery, I walk you through what can only be described as a masterclass in middle school madness. We’re talking scorched Chromebooks, poop-related investigations, and yes, whether you stand or sit to wipe (it matters more than you think). I’ll also drop a killer free resource that could save your last month of school. So grab your scooters and your fire extinguisher—things get spicy.

You ever discover something about your teacher that made your teenage brain short-circuit? Yeah, me too. So this week, I dove headfirst into the teacher lore rabbit hole, because nothing says professional development like finding out your music teacher once chucked a desk at a kid. Oh, and remember the DARE program? Apparently, not everyone took it as seriously as I did. We’re also unpacking some jaw-dropping listener voicemails, including one about fake TikToks that nearly cost a teacher her career and another involving a very tech-savvy 13-year-old... and a VPN. Buckle up. I laughed, I cringed, I screamed internally. You will too.

This week, I had a full-circle moment as a burnt-out teacher turned soccer mom… and then immediately pivoted to unpacking a story where a fourth grader threw up peace signs and declared his love for a very adult body part during writing time. You know—balance. We’re talking about teachers surviving without running water (again), why I physically can’t handle fairs (also again), and what to actually do when a student says something so inappropriate that your prefrontal cortex short-circuits. Plus, I’ve got updates on my DonorsChoose shoutouts, book club chaos, and what AI tool just got sneakier inside Canva (heads up, ELA folks—you’ll want to hear this).

It’s Episode 50, and honestly… what better way to celebrate than with a voicemail about a student who threatened to poop on a teacher’s desk? This week, I’m unpacking end-of-year exhaustion (May energy is real and it’s violent), plus the wildest school stories you sent in—including kids confessing their sex lives mid-English class and throwing Pop-Tarts in rage. We’re also talking about failing infrastructure, disappearing school funding, and how to literally show up to your state legislature and say, “Hey boo, we gotta talk.” And if you’ve ever asked a student a simple question and immediately regretted it… welcome. You’re home.

This week, I’m talking to literal Grammy-nominated musical legend John Ondrasik—aka Five for Fighting—about education, mentorship, Costco carts, and how he’s working to put real music teachers back in underfunded schools. (Also, I tried not to ugly cry while listening to “100 Years” on loop. Mostly succeeded.) But before we get there… we’ve got a classroom snake situation, an inappropriate dictionary moment, and a cooking class where a student shows up with a knife restriction and a no-females policy. What could go wrong? From ED plans that make zero sense to policies that make teachers legally required to just stand there while it happens , we’re breaking down the bureaucratic circus one story at a time. Stay for the music. Stay for the IEP trauma. Stay because someone said “bastard” in the most educational way possible.