EPISODES & TRANSCRIPTIONS

Molly's back in sunglasses with a full-on teacher hangover, Gerry looks incredible (his words), and I've got a 50,000-student IU football tailgate story that involves a feverish six-year-old, a college guy leaning on our truck for an hour, and the Midwestern dads who live to direct parking lot traffic. We update on Scam Gate (the PSA is officially saving people), launch a new segment where we're breaking down Dead Poets Society next episode, debate whether applesauce is actually a sauce, and I share the moment my son made walrus teeth out of Twizzlers through his tighty-whities and then started eating them. Plus Gerry's mechanical bull weight-loss countdown, he's at 317.5 and the goal is 300.

The three of us are diving into everything from the trending "cringe teacher" videos going around TikTok to my viral Edgar Allan Poe lip sync to the very real truth that cringe teachers are the ONLY teachers our students actually remember 20 years later. We also unpack the horror weekend of my life. An off-brand YMCA where I fell 20 inches off a box jump onto my back and no one came to help me, followed by a Sunday that included both kids simultaneously vomiting AND having diarrhea, every drain in my house clogging, and my dog pooping on the carpet. My voodoo doll was dipped in feces, apparently. Then we get into the moment my six-year-old told two of my college students what he thinks is required for true love and bad teacher depictions in TV and movies.

Hey teacher besties! This week I'm checking in with Molly on the aftermath of ScamGate, because you can't just get scammed that badly and not give the people an update. We also covered some very real scam PSAs, including the family "safe word" trick. Then Molly showed me this TikTok trend of students clowning on cringey teachers, and listen... it's a little humbling. Watching kids react to teacher enthusiasm from their POV is not for the weak. We also got into Molly's audience question box comparing what high school teachers and kindergarten teachers actually say out loud to manage a classroom on a daily basis (spoiler: it's basically the same), and Molly detailed the specific chaos of getting handed an entire freshman class of almost all boys. As always, we closed out with our hills to die on, which somehow turned into Gerry showing me a picture I wish I could unsee (and if you're watching on YouTube, you will too).

Teacher besties, buckle up for this one, because Molly got scammed (and I mean SCAMMED) out of a shocking amount of cash in one of the most diabolical phone scams I've ever heard. We're talking a fake sheriff's department, a fake warrant for her arrest, and four and a half hours of driving between Walgreens, CVS, and Walmart. Molly walks us through the entire unhinged saga blow by blow, and hopefully we can all learn something from this to protect ourselves from potential future scams. After that, we get into something a little less terrifying and a lot more annoying: the absolutely wild hate comments we got on a video about men telling female teachers, "I wish I was your student." We break down why that phrase is creepy, not flattering, why some men got so defensive about being called out, and what actually impresses a teacher.

Hey teacher besties, it's just me and Gerry this week since Molly's out, and we're covering a lot of ground. I got a review on my book that called out my millennial "hey besties" energy, which, fair. I also just got back from Boston, where I learned Paul Revere never actually said "the British are coming" and apparently moonlighted as a dentist between silversmithing gigs, which honestly explains a lot about colonial-era medicine. We also had to address the elephant in the room: the shirtless pooping clip has become one of our best performing clips ever, which came with its fair share of internet chaos, including someone genuinely threatening Gerry over using a handicap bathroom. Then we get into some real teacher talk: side hustles we've actually done (technical writing, Uber driving, coaching, etc), and how my retired coworker came back to help co-teach my new class, which honestly saved me. We also get into a good debate about AI in the classroom and whether districts shou…

Hey teacher besties, it's just me and Molly this week since Gerry's off doing a show, so consider this a girls' night. I'm coming off a genuinely rough first day back, because my mentor and work bestie of decades has retired, and I had to walk into work knowing she wouldn't be there. I'm now teaching her old class, trying to live up to a legacy I know I can't fully replace. We also do a very necessary lice update (still lice-free, but the vigilance continues), debate the hotel bedbug-checking habits of functioning adults, and Molly gives me a very touching pep talk about becoming the next legend myself. Then Molly tells me about her professional development, including the incredibly humbling moment she got used as a live example of what not to do with your school laptop, twice, since she's somehow gone through three MacBooks in one year. I also share my first day activity recommendations for anyone who needs a low-stakes icebreaker, and then I tell you guys about the best night of …

Hey teacher besties, we're starting this one off with a real crisis, because I just found out I might have lice after spending a week in California with my whole extended family, and I am spiraling. Somehow we end up debating whether chest hair can get lice, and we also give Gerry exactly 60 seconds to nerd out about his Marvel figure collection.

Hey teacher besties, we are deep in back to school season! My kids are starting a brand new school after their old one shut down (yes, that's apparently a thing that can happen), and thanks to our vacation timing, they're going to miss their actual first day. Gerry and Molly assure me this is fine, and I'm choosing to believe them. We also get into Gerry's actual classroom rules, and guys, I would pay real money to be a fly on the wall when he lays down the law. We spend a good chunk of this episode trying to figure out why it works so well for him and why my crash outs just get me giggled at instead of feared. Then we get into some real advice for new teachers, because Molly and I both remember exactly how terrifying that first summer is when you don't even know what your first unit is supposed to be. We share some of our favorite first week icebreaker activities too, so steal those if you need them. And then, because we can never end an episode without at least one hill to die on…

Hey teacher besties, buckle up because this one starts rough. Gerry left me a voicemail after last episode that I simply had to share with all of you, and it involves Jersey Mike's, a very close call, and some deeply unhinged bathroom habits I did not know existed until today. We fully unpack the fact that Gerry takes his shirt off to poop (sometimes his pants too), and then my own kid hops on to side with Gerry and betray me completely.

Hey teacher besties! This week is a big one because Molly is officially, permanently part of the podcast now, so it's me, Gerry, and Molly for the long haul.

We are BACK, teacher besties, and I have SO much to catch you up on. It's the season three premiere of How to Survive the Classroom, and Gerry has arrived with a NEW nose ring, a PASSED edTPA, and a very concerning number of years since his last dentist appointment. Buckle up. We recap Gerry's full edTPA journey and then get into a real conversation kicked off by my 100-year-old grandpa, who was a teacher for seven years before he quit, largely because he was frustrated that pay was tied to years of service instead of actual skill. Fifty years later, that same debate is still going, and we dig into merit-based pay, the limits of standardized testing, and why electives teachers get left out of the conversation entirely. Then we jump into back-to-school fan questions: what NOT to do your first year, the worst icebreakers ever, and how new teachers can actually protect their time. Plus, an unhinged Two Truths and a Lie round where Gerry casually mentions being present for an Easter…