Knife to the Heart: Kindergartner Insults with Jayson Cross

Andrea: [00:00:00] It's always the worst behaving kid that says it. Like, you're like, I'm gonna be out tomorrow, Keaveny. I need you to act right tomorrow, miss. Trust. Trust, miss, and I'm like, I am. I don't feel better about this. This actually now makes me more nervous because you're coming at it with so much confidence that I feel like.

It's gonna be a problem.

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Hey, teacher besties. Welcome to How to Survive the Classroom. I'm Andrea Fork. 

Gerry: I'm Gerry Patoka. 

Andrea: And today we actually have a guest with us. We have Jason Cross. Jason, thank you so much for hanging out with us today. 

Jayson: Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure to be here. 

Andrea: Yeah. So Jason, now you are also a comedian and an educator, right?

Jayson: Yes, I am. I do. Well, I guess they're one and the same. When you tell people I'm a comedian, I'm an educator, they're like, oh, you do the same today. 

Andrea: Yeah. You know, actually, so that is because we all have like a foot in each of those worlds. I actually had a couple of things that I was thinking about with that because I was trying to think about which is worse.

Whether it is worse to bomb in front of a class or bomb in front of a crowd, let's say a crowd of similar size. So if you're performing to 30 people at a club versus per like trying to teach 30 students and you get like [00:02:00] heckled and absolutely owned by somebody in the audience, which is worse because we've all three, I'll speak for me, I have had that experience in with students and with actual.

Audiences. Mm-hmm. So I would love to hear from you guys what you think is worse. 

Jayson: I would say by far it is worse the bomb in front of the students, because you're gonna have to see them again with the audience. Hey, I'm going to the next city. And Nice knowing you. Do you still wanna buy a t-shirt with students?

You're gonna have to see them five days a week For what, six, seven months? I, I'll take the stu uh, the audience any day. The comedy audience. 

Andrea: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, and it, and also, I mean, comedy is so subjective. Like this weekend I was in, um, Potstown, Pennsylvania, and I could see there was this one lady and she hated me.

She hated me so very much because she got brought with some friends. She didn't know who I was, what the deal was. She wasn't an educator, which normally doesn't stop people from having a good [00:03:00] time. Usually I have people that say like, I'm not even a teacher, and I had a great time. And this person, she was like a retired nurse, and I like made some jokes.

She hated it. Um, the entire time, but that didn't like stick with me. 

Jayson: Right. 

Andrea: Whereas I've had some students that are like, I don't like you and I don't like this class because I don't like you. That stuck with me. 

Jayson: It's like a knife through the hearts, right? When the youngsters say, oh, I don't like this. I don't wanna be here.

It's like, Ugh. 

Andrea: Yeah. Oh 

Jayson: no. It's, but then I think to myself, I don't want them there either. 

Andrea: You're like, yeah. Feeling, feeling is mutual. Feeling mutual. Right. And Gerry, you've never had that experience 'cause you've both never bombed in front of students or a classroom. 

Gerry: No, 

Andrea: a class from or club, 

Gerry: I'd rather bomb in front of the kids.

Andrea: I had a feeling 

Gerry: you're gonna say that if I, if I'm a bomb, if I'm a bomb, I'd rather be in the classroom because I don't, I don't get paid to make, to laugh. I get paid to learn on something and as long as they end there learning a little something, that's fine. I don't care if they think I'm funny, I'd be like, all right, my bad.

I thought I was funny. I, I and the, [00:04:00] and, and the club, them jokes is for y'all. Them jokes is for, I'm talking to in the classroom. Them jokes is for. Them jokes is for big papa. Them jokes is for Gerald. Them jokes is for me 

Andrea: that 

Gerry: that's me. I'm cracking myself up. I'm fine. I don't care what they think. 

Andrea: I think that that is also pretty fair because there have definitely been times, and when I say bomb in front of a class, I'm more just like me and it was a bad lesson.

'cause yeah, I don't care about making 'em laugh as much. Oh, 

Gerry: I you made. 

Andrea: No, like I never expect 'em to laugh at my jokes. I always expect them to think I'm dumb. My answer figure, not 

Jayson: figure, not, it's first. When a lesson plan doesn't go as planned, 

Gerry: it's rough. Yeah. It's, it's kind of the same. I'd be like, I'd be like, oh, y'all ain't get, all right, we still taking the testes stuff.

We gonna see, we gonna see what you got now. 

Andrea: Oh my gosh. Now, Jason, what is it, what grade level do you teach and what subject? 

Jayson: So I'm actually a interventionist. I'm the, uh, cleanup crew of education. We come in and clean it up. So I have K through eighth grade. 

Andrea: [00:05:00] Oh, wow. So man, what a span be working with. Have the 

Jayson: spectrum.

Yeah. 

Andrea: Yeah. Like the itty bit. So can for, we do have some people who listen who are not in education. Can you explain what an interventionist does? 

Jayson: So the interventionist is we work one-to-one with students if there are two or three grade levels behind in reading or mathematics. 

Andrea: Okay. And so, and, and you teach in Illinois, is that correct?

Jayson: Yes, in, in the great city of Chicago, Illinois. 

Andrea: Oh yes. Oh, love Chicago. Such a fun city. Uh, it's one of my favorites. Now, how, like what are the class sizes like for, for like a, I would say like a general ed classroom, 

Jayson: general ed, between 20 to 30. 

Andrea: Okay. So not too crazy. Not too, although 30 kindergartners sounds like my own personal hell yeah.

Um, I now I 

Jayson: I've seen it. 

Andrea: Yeah. Yeah. So now who do you think has the ability to hurt your feelings more? A kindergartner or like a seventh grader? [00:06:00] 

Jayson: Oh, who hurts my field? You know what? I would say a kindergartner. And the only reason is I have a 4-year-old daughter. So it's kind of close to the age. 

Andrea: Yeah. 

Jayson: And it just stinks a little more.

The seventh grader, I'm like, ah, whatever. 

Andrea: Yeah, 

Jayson: yeah. Uh, I, yeah. With the kindergarten. Yes. 'cause, and plus they're, they're, uh, attack, well not attacks, but what they say is, is always feels a little more personal. 

Andrea: Yeah. I mean, I, I think it also just feels really honest too, when it's from a kindergartner, they're probably not saying it because they're trying to hurt your feelings.

Seventh graders are trying to hurt your feelings. Yeah. They trying where kindergartner most of the time. Like, they're just, they're just observing and they're like, why is your forehead like that? And you're like, I didn't know it was until this moment. 

Jayson: Mm-hmm. 

Andrea: It just, oh my gosh. Um, so I do, I have to tell you guys a story of this weekend because it was.

Outrageous what I experienced. Um, now, Gerry, have you ever, you've performed in Philly before? Yeah. 

Gerry: No, you 

Andrea: [00:07:00] haven't? Okay. 

Gerry: I've been to Philly a lot. 

Andrea: Okay, so what about you, Jason? Have you performed in like Philadelphia area before? 

Jayson: Yes. I lived in New York. I started comedy in New York and I lived there for roughly 20 years before I came back to Chicago.

And yeah, Philly. I love performing there. I love the cheese steaks. 

Andrea: Oh, 

Jayson: Mike Outta town sounds so 

Andrea: good. Um, okay, I have to ask you guys then, do you either of you know where Essington is? 

Jayson: Essington, 

Andrea: yeah. In Philadelphia. Is that It's a suburb of Philadelphia. 

Jayson: I'm familiar with 

Gerry: it. 

Andrea: Okay. Mistakes were made. I am very cheap, right?

And so I decide like for this weekend I'm gonna get a hotel. It said it was a Holiday Inn Express, like a 10 minute Uber ride from the airport. 

Gerry: That's where you messed up 

Andrea: the holiday expresses are usually fine. Okay. I usually stay in them, but all of every hotel in Philadelphia was like $400 a night and I'm like, absolutely not.

Like I can't do. Yeah, it was crazy expensive. 

Jayson: That's ridiculous. 

Andrea: [00:08:00] Yeah. And so I'm like, no, I can't do that. So I, it was like a Holiday Inn Express for like 170 a night, which is still not nothing. And, but I was like, that's fine, I'll stay there. So we get, we get in the car and we start heading west, which the airport's already.

Kind of like Western ish, right? And so my husband and I are in the car and he looks at me because we just keep going. And the car like was one of, it was like a, um, a shuttle that went to hotels. But the first stop was at a La Quinta and they dropped off everybody from for the La Quinta. And then we went another six minutes further west.

And the hotel that we were at, they had a sign at by the road that said like Holiday Inn Express, two demolished buildings, an unmarked building that was under renovation. That was the Holiday Inn [00:09:00] Express. We get out and we check in. The guy at the front desk looked at us. Like, I don't know if you've ever been in those situations where like you can feel like everyone else is more concerned for you than you are for yourself at that stage.

Like, I was like, it's fine, but the whole, the whole ride there, my husband's like, Andrea, I don't think that this is good. And I was like, it's fine. It's totally fine. And we get out of the car and there's like trash, like, like just tumbling, like tumble weaves of trash outside the building. But I'm still like, but the inside could be better, right?

I also have the false confidence of somebody who taught public education for such a long time. So I'm just like, it's sometimes, you know, you can't judge a book by its cover. And we go in and the guy checks us in and he looks concerned for us and he is like typing on his computer and he is like, okay guys.

And he gave us our key and we went up to the room. That room was like a middle school boy's backpack. There was hair everywhere. There was like mystery stains. There was literally stains on the sheets. [00:10:00] And I was like, I can't, I cannot. I cannot do this. And so we went down, like I immediately like ended up spending $400 on a hotel that night because it was the only hotel we could get to that was like in downtown Philadelphia.

And it was so funny because we come downstairs and we got like all of our luggage. This guy just talked to us and now we're just standing back in the lobby with all our luggage. He's like, Hey, are you guys okay? And I was like, oh, we're not staying here. And he's like, yeah, sorry about that. Like didn't ask why didn't say you.

He knew. Yeah. Immediately he is like, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh 

Gerry: no. Like now, now this hotel on the sign or like anywhere that you could see, did it say free wifi? 

Andrea: No. Why? What does that mean? 

Gerry: Because that's the telltale sign of a hotel. You don't wanna stay at They telling you you got free wifi. It's 2026. You better have free wifi.

Jayson: Yes. 

Gerry: That's like when you pass them apartments and it says luxury apartment homes. They nasty. Mm-hmm. Don't be around them. [00:11:00] Nah, no. They got leaves in the living room. If it says luxury on it, you don't wanna be, you don't wanna stay in the hotel. It's like, yeah, we got free wifi. Sos. That's a bare minimum dog.

That's like, you like, Hey, we got beds. 

Andrea: Yeah, it was, it was pretty bad. And then, yeah, like we were standing in the lobby waiting and we call an Uber. And as I'm watching this, like I'm watching him on like the little Uber on the app, and I see the guy come down the road past the first demolished building, and all of a sudden I see him like, flip around and gun it in the opposite direction and canceled the ride.

And I was like, oh, we were so deeply unsafe that the Ubers are like, no, no, nope. Not doing it. Not doing it. And so we ended up waiting for another 10 minutes and we finally got an Uber to pick us up, but only, I think because these two clean cut looking very young guys got out of [00:12:00] this guy's Uber at the hotel we were staying at.

But then there was a nextdoor motel that had hourly rates. On it on the side. 

Jayson: Oh. 

Andrea: And so I think they were going to have some hourly rate type of fun, um, because they got out of the car and looked at us and were kind of like avoiding eye contact with my husband and I. And then the Uber took us and we survived.

But it was one of those where like, if the Uber won't pick us up. And then I told, I told this story in Potstown, the am the like deep soul gasp that I got from the crowd when I was like, yeah, so we. Accidentally booked a hotel in Sington and everyone's like, oh, no. Like the amount of people like DMing me after too, and being like my, like my husband's a cop.

He said, that place is a, a crack den. Like you can't be in there. And I'm like, we were in danger. And I had no idea. I was like, it's fine. Right? And it just, it, but the way that that guy. That was checking us in, looked at me. It reminded me of the way that we look at first [00:13:00] year teachers when they first start teaching with you, where it's like you are in more danger than you realize you are right now.

Like things are about to get absolutely wild for you. It 

Jayson: gives them the look. Good luck. 

Andrea: Exactly, yes. The the exact look, it just, oh my gosh. So now you are an interventionist. So did you ever do like full classroom teaching or have you always done this? 

Jayson: Always did this. I, I, I don't have the disposition to be with the same people for eight hours straight.

I will lose my mind. 30 minutes to an hour is all I have with them. If it's not work, it's like being an uncle, you know? Hmm. You spend some time with it. If it's not working, go back to mom or dad. 

Andrea: Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome that that's true. So now how long have you been doing comedy? 

Jayson: Oh my gosh. I started comedy, 'cause I started, after college, I started doing printing commercials, things and I went to New York.

That was back in 2001 and I probably started comedy shortly afterwards, but really didn't take it seriously to around [00:14:00] 20 13, 20 14, around that time. Wait, 

Gerry: how old are you? 

Andrea: I 

Jayson: 47. 

Gerry: What? 

Jayson: 47. 

Andrea: Guys, I just need you to know. 

Jayson: Eight. You're only listening to this. 

Gerry: I the oldest one here. 

Jayson: I'm 

Gerry: 27. 

Andrea: Guys, 

Jayson: I need you to know.

Oh, you guys are babies. I'm like 20 years older than you guys. 

Andrea: I'm not. I am. I am 39. Gerry is is a baby. I'm 39. Your baby? Yeah. I need you guys all to know that, that Jason looks no older than 25. So that is a shocking thing to 

Gerry: hear. God bless your heart. I thought we was the same age. 

Jayson: God bless YII wish my students felt the same way.

Gerry: Are you doing better? Are you doing that well or am I doing that poorly? 

Andrea: Maybe that's, he's microdosing student interactions, I think is what it is. Is it as opposed to us? That's just, it 

Jayson: helps. I really think it helps because first time, um, they asked me to sub for the cluster room. Do you guys have custom rooms where you are?

Andrea: No. I don't know what that is. 

Jayson: [00:15:00] So you guys have IEPs or you have is p? Yeah. So same 

Gerry: IEPs. 

Jayson: So that's the classroom with all the IEPs. Uh, first time I substituted in the cluster room for four hours. I got bit within the first five minutes and I found two gray hairs and I said, oh gosh, I see how the teacher in there went gray Uhhuh after one year.

Andrea: Yeah. 

Jayson: Yeah. 

Andrea: Yeah. It, I do feel like the years of being a teacher, depending on what you teach and where you teach and all of that good stuff, but it reminds me of when you see those pictures of presidents, like before they started their presidency, and then four years later they've aged like 20 years. 

Theme: Yeah.

Andrea: I, I, have you guys ever had your, like your students see an older picture of you? In like an older yearbook. 'cause my students always would do that. They would like dig up and find old yearbook pictures from like my first year teaching and then print them out and then post them around my classroom just to remind me 

Jayson: Oh 

Andrea: wow.

Like how far I had fallen and I'm like, that is diabolical behavior. 

Jayson: You had some [00:16:00] PIs in your class? Oh yeah. Yeah. There are no pictures of me linking around. Lingering around at you just delete the school? They don't exist. Yeah, nothing. Not on the website or anything. They seen 

Gerry: a picture on my email. And I had hair.

Andrea: I literally cannot imagine you with hair Gerry. 

Gerry: It's like this, but with hair. 

Andrea: It hasn't even been that long though. How like, 'cause you started teaching how many years ago? Three. Four. Four. 

Gerry: Four. 

Andrea: Four. 

Gerry: Four or five? Four. 

Andrea: Did you, did you shave your head because you were going bald or just because, yeah. Okay.

Got it. So how bad was the, the balding pattern happening before you made the, 

Gerry: it wasn't even really a pattern, it was just thin. Oh, it was way, it was bat there a bit and it was thin. I probably could grow hair now, but I got a little bald spot going on. But like, like Woody, like in the toy story trailer.

Andrea: The new one. The one new one that's coming out? Yeah. I mean, you could just fly to Turkey and get a hair transplant. 

Gerry: You could, I've heard 

Jayson: about those. 

Andrea: Uh, yeah. Heard, I heard about 

Gerry: it [00:17:00] too. 

Andrea: Yeah. They're like, I think three grand or something. They're not even that expensive. It's just, I thought, you know, I mean, it, it's miracles what they can do these days.

I won't give some 

Gerry: teeth first. 

Jayson: Well, where does the hair come from, is my question. Is it like a, is it like a weave for men? 

Andrea: No, they could get 

Gerry: it off my back. 

Andrea: No they don't. They don't do that. Because I was wondering about that because I feel like a lot of men, like they'll lose their hairline, but then it just goes straight to their back.

Then it's not that because different hair that grows there, so they say they pull from like the sides, which also tends to be a spot that like you don't lose as much hair and then they transplant it up usually just like into the Ts. So they fill in 

Jayson: the cul-de-sac? 

Gerry: Yes. Oh, I thought he was getting some like leftover.

I ain't know that he was getting it from your head. Still left over. I thought they was making the wrong 

Andrea: what? Gerry, what does 

Gerry: that mean? Like, I thought you was getting some, just some hair. Like I thought they just had hair from a 

Andrea: person, like a transplant from another human 

Gerry: wherever. Like 

Jayson: a weave. I thought it like a weave.

Yeah. I [00:18:00] 

Gerry: Your head 

Jayson: half the hair course, half of it's fine. It went, 

Gerry: I got they comb over on my back than I did when I 

Andrea: there. Ew, that's so gross. No, they, they transplant it from different parts of your own head. Because I think, I would think it would like reject if you, 

Gerry: you 

Andrea: can do it, it, try to take it from a different person because like you can't, you can't just plop it in there.

Right. 

Gerry: So they just redirect it. 

Andrea: Yeah, kind of. I mean, I'm not a, a hair transplant's 

Gerry: been on here with these 

Andrea: I know but's, medical stuff. Jason a couple weeks ago, we had a whole discussion over, 

Gerry: wait, wait. Pause, pause, pause. Jason, did you know only men have prostates? 

Jayson: Yeah. Yeah. Is that a, is that a shock? Wait, I 

didn't 

Gerry: know this.

Alright, Andrea, finish to your you. I'm done talking. I'm done talking. You thought women have 

Jayson: prostates too? 

Gerry: I didn't know for sure. Yes. I didn't know. [00:19:00] I just thought man, like had more beef with theirs. 

Andrea: Okay. 

Gerry: But I thought that's why we was getting our checked all the time. 

Andrea: To be fair, Jason is, I didn't think 

Gerry: about theirs, 

Andrea: to be fair.

 where he's had to have it checked at this point. No, I haven't. It 

Jayson: checked that. 

Andrea: Oh, you should go to the doctor Jason. 

Jayson: I didn't. I bet I haven't had it checked yet. I have uh, three colonoscopies in one year, but my prostate is fine. 

Andrea: Oh my God. Well, I mean, that's great. That's great.

And 

Gerry: then they probably double check the prostate while I was in there. 

Andrea: Yeah, I'm guessing. Yeah, I think that's how, that, I'm not gonna say that's not how that works. 

Gerry: Hey, look, I just found out I had one, so I don't know. 

Jayson: Wow. Okay. 

Andrea: Yeah, we, we were having a discussion and I, and the guest we had were also very wrong, like we were making Gerry feel stupid about not knowing that only men had prostates.

But then we proceeded to continue with a lot of information that was very incorrect. About who checks the prostate and what the prostate does and all of that stuff. And the irony. 

Jayson: Well, that's the defining, that's the defining [00:20:00] organ for men. 

Andrea: It, it is very important. Right? 

Jayson: Yeah. Because testes and ovaries are similar.

They just, we should have on penis and clitoris similar. 

Andrea: Right. Is 

Jayson: this 

Gerry: intervention happening right now on the podcast? 

Andrea: It was so bad though, because I, I thought. That the prostate and the ovaries were like the same thing instead of the testes and the ovaries. And so that was part of my confusion and my 

Jayson: Oh, gotcha.

Andrea: My husband, um, is a physician assistant, and so he went to like PA school and all of that, and so I was telling him how dumb Gerry was and he looked at me and was like, Andrea. You're so dumb. Yeah. I was all like as dumb, but about different things than he was dumb with. It's not better. And I was like, no, I feel, I feel like I can still feel like I've got the high ground.

He's like, you cannot actually, because you said it with such authority. Yeah. And you should at least apologize. 

Gerry: I claimed ignorance. I was like, oh, okay. My bad. You. [00:21:00] Ignorance 

Jayson: is excuse for breaking the law. 

Gerry: This is, I tried this murder fourth weekend in a row. We've talked about this. We're gonna have to change the name of this podcast to how it survived the prostate exam too.

Jayson: Well, well, well, 

Andrea: uh, that's gonna pull from a very different crowd than I think previous episodes might if we adjusted it in that way. 

Gerry: Yeah. People like from, from from Jason's age group. 

Jayson: Yeah, listen, and I'm not getting my oil check until I'm 50. 

Andrea: See? 

Gerry: There you go. 

Andrea: There you go. 

Jayson: Yeah, I'm waiting. Yeah, I'm good.

Unless my blood tests tell me otherwise, you 

Gerry: go 2000 miles, pass the sticker. 

Jayson: Yeah, before you get to the 

Gerry: oil change. There you 

Jayson: go. 

Gerry: Perfect. 

Jayson: I not getting my audio check until I'm 50, man. Nope. 

Andrea: I'm that very special note. I think we're gonna take a very quick break guys. Um, and we will be right back.

Have you ever wondered what I would say if my mother and my [00:22:00] administrators weren't watching every single thing I do on social media? Well, that's exactly what my standup show is, and I'm gonna be coming to a town near you super soon. You can get tickets@educatorandrea.com slash tickets. All right.

Welcome back, teacher besties. So, wow, what, what a journey we've gone on. 

Gerry: Yes. 

Andrea: Already. Um, but I think we actually do have some questions that were sent in for us today. So one of the questions we got sent in is what do you think is one of the most suspicious student. Phrases or things that they say, like what is something that would immediately be a red flag to you if they were like, Hey, fill in the blank statements, and immediately be like, oh, like when 

Jayson: they say That's cap.

I'm like, why do you think I'm lying? Because they don't think I know what it means. I'm like, I know what CAP [00:23:00] means, but why you capping Mr. Cro? Well, they don't even call me Mr. Cross. They call me CROs. I'm like, dude, star using S They say, myth the cross. Myth the cross. I say, dude missed her cross. 

Andrea: I weirdly have, so, okay, so I what the, my walkup song that I always use is Get Low.

And if I have somebody that ask from the 

Jayson: window to the wall, 

Andrea: no. From window 

Jayson: to the 

Andrea: wall? No, that's a D different one, right? For sweat 

Jayson: drop down. Mm. 

Andrea: No, not that one. Just 

Gerry: it's same one, 

Andrea: is it? I just don't listen to that part. No, it's literally just like the beginning. I, I only listen to the beginning part when I come up, but my problem is that when people say, who's it by?

I have to say. Little John and I feel so stupid when I say it because if I say Little John, 

Jayson: you can't say the T 

Andrea: every, I can't, I I can't say Little John. Yeah, little Jonathan is horrible and there's no way for me to say it. That doesn't sound like. So [00:24:00] embarrassing. 'cause they're like, what? Who, who do you think you are?

But I love that song and I love walking up to it. And so every time I ha, and most of the time I would say nine times outta 10 people are like, oh yeah, I got you. But there has been a couple of times where someone's been like, who's that by? Will will John? Well, 

Jayson: John 

Andrea: duh. It's so, so embarrassing. Um, okay.

I'm trying to think of a good one for that, that I'm immediately like. 

Gerry: Completely. Remember when kids were saying Sigma? 

Andrea: Yeah. 

Gerry: I did not know what that meant. And apparently it means nothing or like, or like you're like it is the opposite of alpha or whatever. I thought it was a new iteration of l. 

Andrea: Yeah, 

Gerry: so I would get so mad.

Kids get stigma. I'd say, don't say that you don't know what that means. And they'd like, what do you mean I'd like, you know what it means and I know what it means. I'm not explaining to [00:25:00] you what this means, but you're not, you're not allowed to say that. And little did I know it really meant nothing, but I thought I was like, Lima.

Theme: Mm. 

Jayson: I just got what LMA means. 'cause I was about to ask, what does LMA mean? Then you just 

Andrea: set 'em up. It'd 

Jayson: two, I finish the phrase, 

Gerry: and 10 years ago I would've had the perfect response for you. 

Andrea: Right, right. Well, that, that's the funny thing. I think that if like, after teaching for a certain amount of time, you jumped to the dirtiest possible conclusion because mm-hmm.

You, you're like traumatized into it where you're just like, it means something gross. It means I'm gross. Anytime there's, there's like a nonsense name in a review game, I immediately say it out loud in, in my head where I'm just like, how can that be deeply upsetting? Possibly 

Jayson: how that be perverted, 

Andrea: right?

How can it either be perverted or racist or offensive in some way? And I'm like saying it in my head so that way I don't say it out loud to them. 'cause lot of times I'd be like, oh, that's great. Bend over is, uh, first. And then I'm like, oh shit. Like that's not, that's not great because I feel like usually it's [00:26:00] ones like that that are just very like.

Basic, but then if it's just a random word, I'm like, Hmm mm-hmm. I don't trust it. 

Jayson: You know, it's another one. It is not a phrase, but they do something like this. 

Andrea: Oh, the little this, 

Jayson: yeah. And I'm like, I do that, that all 

Gerry: the time. 

Andrea: I was gonna say, 

Jayson: and I'm like, wait, what is, this is dirty. Like what are these? I said, do I need to call Department of Children Services?

Like, why are they 

Andrea: right? Like what? 

Gerry: I don't think it's, I don't think it's dirty. I just think it's. 

Andrea: No, they're like saying like, check out my, my jawline. 

Jayson: It's 

Andrea: what It's 

Jayson: for viewing, they were doing like, 

Andrea: yeah, that was like a flash in the pan. I feel like they've kind of stopped doing that a little bit. But you know what, what Get what gets me every time is when they're like, no mistrust.

Trust. Just trust. Oh yeah. Trust. Trust and, and like on their chest a little bit. I I, that I immediately suspicious. No, no. If someone goes, no, miss Trust, trust, trust. And I'm like. I now am more nervous than I was before you said that. Like now I feel 

Gerry: that's affirming to me. I'd [00:27:00] be like, all right, big dog, like big trust, like don't let me down.

Like you got it. You got it on locks, man. You're good, man. 

Andrea: Yeah, except, you know it's always the worst behaving kid that says it. Like, you're like, I'm gonna be out tomorrow, Keaveny. I need you to act right tomorrow, miss. Trust. Trust Miss, and I'm like, I am. I don't feel better about this. This actually now makes me more nervous because you're coming at it with so much confidence.

That I feel like it's gonna be a problem. 

Jayson: Oh, they cut up instantly. They cut up instantly. The worst two is the first time I realized a student was lying to me, and he played me. It was a kid. He was, um, he, he had a wheelchair and he was like, no, mi mi the cross. I get 10 extra minutes for lunch. And I'm like, okay.

And you know, I let him eat lunch. Then the principal went, what the hell? Hell are you doing? He's supposed to be in class, right? I said, he said he gets 10 extra minutes 'cause it takes him in a wheelchair. She was like, he's lying to you. And then he just looked at me and said, they gave me that wicked laugh.

I'll never forget that my first year. 

Andrea: Oh [00:28:00] man. Because they like, they know how to play us. They're like, look at this first year teacher. I'm gonna get 'em. They didn't 

Gerry: me. 

Andrea: Oh, 

Jayson: they give me all the, I'm the biggest sucker they give me all the time. 

Andrea: That's so bad. I know, and I'm, I'm like so trusting too. 

Gerry: They don't give me all the time.

Sometimes I think they're getting me and they're telling the truth. I love my bad. I thought you was playing. 

Andrea: Oh man. No, they, they get me, they get me pretty often. 

Gerry: Oh. Because I, they told me something my about, I need to see some documentation. I need to see paperwork. 

Jayson: This is, 

Andrea: see, I'm just like, okay, great.

If you, if you looked me in the eyes and you told me that you're definitely not high right now, then I'm gonna be like, okay, great. And then the next class, they get busted for being high. And I'm like, oh, ooh, 

Jayson: you asked, ask them. 

Andrea: Um. I, I usually wouldn't directly ask them. I would usually be like, you took a long time in the bathroom.

Your eyes are looking pretty bloodshot. And so I wouldn't directly say anything like, no, miss. I'm just like super tired. And sometimes I would believe 'em. Most of the time I feel like I was right, but So wait. [00:29:00] 

Jayson: Joking. They're smoking in the school. 

Andrea: Oh, oh yes, Jason. 

Gerry: Really? You teach in Chicago? 

Jayson: Yes. Yeah. Okay.

So here's the, here's the thing. When I first started, when I first started, I, I taught C Ps, Chicago Public Schools. It was K through fourth grade, so, Aw. And I saw some very wild things, like I 

Andrea: bet 

Jayson: I had to call Department of Children's Services a few times for some things I saw, but, so they weren't really smoking.

And then I switched over to the archdiocese. So now I work in Catholic school and there. Very well manner. So I didn't get to see the older kids and, but they like are they vaping or are they like the old way? The huh? They 

Gerry: do all of it. 

Andrea: Uh, yeah, I mean, well, gummies have made it a lot easier to be sneaky about it.

So a lot of times when I was teaching high school, it was towards the end, especially there was this one day where these kids ended up puking. 'cause they got gummies and then they just ate like a bunch. Like they didn't take one. Oh my gosh. They took a bunch and ended up getting just [00:30:00] so like. Nauseous ended up throwing up, like messed themselves up pretty bad.

Most of the time I feel like it's, it's edibles or vaping just because it, it, like at this point, what are you doing with an actual joint that is gonna smell so incredibly strong and everyone's gonna know? And you know, you're gonna have to do it in the bathroom in between classes. Like most people I feel like are like, no, I'm just gonna vape it or whatever.

But. Oh yeah. 

Jayson: Interesting. Wow. 

Andrea: They're absolutely, they're absolutely doing that all the time. Wow. Sometimes dealing too, but that was a little bit less frequent, um, at least in front of my face. Mm-hmm. Although I, I still think there was this one kid. That he used to, his mom used to make, um, like tacos and he'd have 'em all wrapped in foil.

And so I saw him like selling tacos in my class and it was just like this little foil. 'cause they were like small ones, right? And so he is like handing over these foil packets and I'm like, are you selling drugs in my class? He was like, no, Mrs. Tacos. And he is [00:31:00] like, open it. And it did look like a taco, but I'm like, there could be weed in that taco.

Like, I don't know that that. 

Jayson: He was selling the Munchy food. He was making money both ends. His friend was probably selling weed and he was selling the munchy food. 

Andrea: It's crazy. It is absolutely crazy. 

Jayson: Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. 

Gerry: I see my wife, um, my wife and kids, whenever they caught the son smoking, they just messed with him.

What did they do about that? Like, if I'm suspicious and I don't, I I never pick up on it. I, like, I, I really never know what's going on. But anytime I'm a little suspicious, I've like, I wonder if I could like just talk to 'em normal, but like, jumble the words up or skip the word and just like see how confused they get.

Andrea: I love it. I think that's genius. 

Gerry: That's what they get on the show. I'm like that, that would be my go-to if I call 'em. I, I really only ever be. Knowing what's going on. Yeah. I just don't, we, we, we, there's just so much out there to learn and we just learn that, 

Jayson: are they [00:32:00] just smoking or are they using harder things or are they drinking, smoking?

Are they doing harder drugs? Yeah. 

Andrea: I've had a couple that'll show up drunk. Um, or they'll put like just straight vodka in a water bottle. I've had that a couple of times, which is crazy work to have, like, I don't 

Gerry: know nothing about that. 

Andrea: I wouldn't be standing upright if I had that. Like I can't, I can't.

Live that life. And so I, I just, it, it blows my mind that some of these kids are like 16 and just straight Vodka. 

Jayson: Vodka and Takis. 

Andrea: Mm, yes. Exactly. Exactly. Um, but most of the time it's that most of, most of the time if they're still in class, it, it's alcohol and it's, um, and it's weed and then occasionally.

We, we'll have some other stuff, but usually not. Not at 

Jayson: school? No. No one's coming in class. Hey. 

Andrea: I mean, it would if truly, I think if they were, I wouldn't notice that, because that's not even something that I think is gonna be on my radar as much. I feel like I would be like, oh, that's weird. Do you? [00:33:00] I feel like that's, sugar goes 

Gerry: faster, 

Andrea: cocaine.

Jayson: You'd be like, Hey, what is two times? I know, I know, I know, I know. 

Andrea: That is true. If they're high, at least they're like usually too lazy to be like disruptive. Or maybe they got the giggles or something like that, but 

Gerry: yeah. 

Andrea: Um, okay, so we have our second question, which is what is the item students have injured themself with the most in your classroom?

So, 

Gerry: like, in my classroom, like related to my classroom or? 

Andrea: Yeah, 

Gerry: just in general. 

Andrea: So a stapler for me, I immediately, the stapler, the amount of kids that I've had that have like opened it and done one of those where they like just hit the stapler against their hand and end up accidentally stabbing themselves with a staple.

Or, I've had some kids that like, were like, like playing around like, ha ha ha. Wouldn't it be funny if I like put the staple into my nail bed and one of their friends will like, hit their hand and it actually does go into their nail bed? 

Jayson: Ooh. 

Andrea: Like for me, the stapler, every time [00:34:00] kids just can't handle it. 

Jayson: I would say books for my kids.

Andrea: Really? 

Jayson: Every time. Yeah. Every time they open them up, they mysteriously get sick. 

Andrea: That's true. Yeah. They get or they get real sleepy, real tired. Yeah. Can't possibly, or their bladders 

Jayson: going outta control 

Andrea: something. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Gerry, your kids are just safe and happy and healthy. 

Gerry: Yeah. I don't know about y'all.

My classroom's safe. 

Jayson: Yeah. 

Gerry: Um, 

Andrea: not mine. Wild west. 

Gerry: I've had a couple fall outta their chair. That's about it. And I'm like, that, that's on y'all. Y'all was the one leaning. 

Andrea: I was gonna say, were they leaning back? 

Jayson: Oh, that, yeah. 

Gerry: Yeah. Leaning back. Yeah, they lean back, they fall. But like I told you, you gotta do that.

I ain't trying to clean you up outta the carpet. 

Andrea: If, if a kid does fall back, do you like go over in concern or do you just sit there and watch them try and get 

up? 

Gerry: I kind of just peek over my screen. I like that. You good? Just hear over and 

Andrea: be like, 

Gerry: I don't do that [00:35:00] again. Get back up. 

Andrea: Oh my gosh. That's um.

Wild behavior. 

Gerry: That's when you lose your chair. You give a one to stay on the floor. 

Andrea: Yeah. Be like, oh, yep. Well, 

Gerry: it's hard to fall off the floor, stay on the floor. 

Andrea: Honestly, some of them do need to get their chairs confiscated at this point, 

Gerry: just publicly. I don't make my kids sit on the floor. I wanna say that 'cause uh, somebody in a comment of a cliff, we post this week.

Got mad at me. They were like, do you actually shoot your classroom like a dictator? And I was just thinking, yeah, well whatever gets you to follow me on Instagram. That's my 

Andrea: answer. Yeah, yeah. 

Gerry: Whatever. 

Andrea: Yeah. Double down. Absolutely. Double down. People get real, real upset 

Gerry: about stuff like that. Yeah. People I'm like, I'm like, yeah, I thought, I thought that was kind of the whole whole.

Whole thing. I thought we were dictators. That's what we did. 

Andrea: That's what we're talking about 

Gerry: all day. That we called shots. Yeah. That's why we got paid. Okay. 

Andrea: Oh my gosh. 

Gerry: These kids 

Andrea: can write 

Gerry: this. Learning targets. 

Andrea: Yeah. All it's all about the learning targets. Right? 

Gerry: Amen. 

Theme: Yeah. 

Andrea: Alright, um, [00:36:00] well before we fully wrap up, Jason, where can people find you online and what shows do you have coming up?

Jayson: Oh, you could find me online at Jason Cross Comedy. That's J-A-Y-S-O-N-C-R-O-S-S Comedy. Jason Cross Comedy. 

Andrea: Jason, what shows do you have coming up? 

Jayson: Uh, April 25th I will be at the Laughing Academy in Northern Illinois at The Laughing Academy, April 25th. That'll be a great show. Perfect. Everyone should come out and May 2nd I will be at comedy bottles.

In, uh, Rockford, Illinois. 

Andrea: Awesome. Sounds good. So guys, make sure you go and check out Jason and go to his shows. If you're in the area, go check out. Or even if you're not in the area, make, make a journey 'cause they sound, uh. Super, super fun. Gerry, what do you have coming up? 

Gerry: I will be at Columbus Funnybone with Joe Dombrowski, uh, [00:37:00] April 23rd and 24th, I think.

Amazing. I don't know Google it, but I'll be, I'll be open for Joe Dombrowski in Columbus. Third week of April, Thursday, Friday, I think early show. Friday's already sold out. Um, everything else that I got going on Raleigh com Festival this weekend that have already happened by the time this podcast comes out.

So check out my Instagram at com, by gp TikTok, at com, by GP for the highlights from that. And you're in Columbus, Ohio. Come and see me if you're in North Carolina. Come and see me. I'm always in North Carolina 'cause that's where I live. And my car does not go very far. 

Andrea: Perfect, perfect, perfect. And then I am gonna be doing Teacher's Lounge in Nixon, Missouri, and Kansas City at the end of April.

And I'm gonna be in New Orleans in May. Um, and thank you guys so much. Jason. Thank you so much for coming on today. This was so fun. 

Jayson: Thank you so much. 

Andrea: Um, and if you guys have thoughts about what we talked about today, [00:38:00] you can hit us up, andrea@humancontent.com, or you can contact me at Educator Andrea on Instagram or TikTok, or you can contact the whole Human Content Podcast family on Instagram and TikTok at Human Content Pods.

And if you wanna catch the full video episodes, they're up every single week on YouTube. Thank you so much for listening. I am your host, Andrew Ham. Alright, well, Gerry, um, is suddenly miraculously completely muted, but he is Gerry Patoka and our guest today was Jason Cross, our executive producers for Yes.

Thank you. Um, and our executive producers are Andrew Ham, Aron Korney, Rob Goldman and Shahnti Brook. Our editor is Andrew Sims. Our engineer is Jason Portizo. Our music is by Omer Ben-Zvi. To learn more about how to survive the classrooms program disclaimer and ethics policy and submission verification and licensing terms, you can go to podcast through andrea.com.

How to Survive the Classroom is a human content production.[00:39:00] 

Thank you so much for watching. Want more of how to Survive the classroom? You can watch more episodes right now. Just click on that little box. Over there you see it, and if you haven't yet, please subscribe. Okay, bye.