New Teacher Survival Guide

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It is officially summer, teacher besties, and I have made a HUGE mistake. I decided I wasn't going to pay for summer camp this year, which means I'm home with my own children, who can apparently sense when I'm overstimulated and somehow get closer AND louder. This week's How to Survive the Classroom is a wide-ranging chat that takes us from Gerry's truly unhinged childhood Holocaust summer camp, to the ethics of ghost tours, to the dark history of New Orleans, to the new-teacher essentials you do (and definitely DON'T) actually need.

Then I get on a soapbox about the real hill this week: the federal Department of Education said it was going away, and somehow Linda McMahon is still posting mandates on Instagram. We also briefly fall down the rabbit hole of Stone Cold Steve Austin running for office and the MMA stadium being built on the White House lawn, because of course we do.

Takeaways:

• New teachers, save your money. Highlighters, fancy turn-in baskets, and elaborate organizational systems are mostly overrated. Focus your energy on a bathroom-pass system you'll actually use.

• The most underrated new-teacher skill is teaching classroom routines on purpose. If kids walk in wrong, make them walk in again. They'll be annoyed, but it works.

• The "everyone else has it together" myth is a lie. Even veteran teachers are pivoting, guessing, and occasionally throwing on Shark Tank when the copies didn't get made.

• Year seven is when you officially become a veteran teacher, with bonus dog years for anyone who taught through the pandemic or wore multiple hats early in their career.

• When the federal government says it's dismantling the Department of Education but is somehow still issuing mandates, it's worth paying attention and worth pushing back, no matter where you sit politically.

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